Dumb news stories

[TylenolJones]

[Potato]

Japanese ninja certification exam attracts 131 candidates from Japan and abroad

That's it. That's the headline. 

Spoiler:  (click to show)(click to hide)

https://japantoday.com/category/national/ninja-certification-exam-attracts-131-candidates-from-japan-and-abroad

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c17ynlek5djo?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&utm_campaign=fark&ICID=ref_fark

An email sent to Wowcher customers on Saturday featured a list of getaways and activities under the subject line: "Snap up these deals quicker than a croc can catch a kid!"

[benji]

[benji]

[benji]

[Gameboy Nostalgia]

the British are so polite.

[benji]

Got recommended a "Meanwhile, in America":

[HeavenIsAPlaceOnEarth]

I need to know more about those storage sheds. What are Americans storing in them?

[Potato]

Headline: What Australia can learn from Norway about creating athletes like Haaland

All of these words and the actual answer is, "Have a multimillionaire former professional footballer for a dad and an Olympic level track and field athlete for a mother."

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/norway-punches-above-its-weight-in-sport-heres-what-australia-could-learn/msxo9gjya

The national multicultural and multilingual public broadcaster unironically and unintentionally promoting eugenics wasnt on my bingo card today.

[Ethan]

Norway makes the quarters for the first time in its history after not qualifying for the world cup 6 times in a row: "How can we become a football powerhouse such as Norway?" - Famous sports lightweight Australia

Oh, there you go:

Norway does not encourage competition in youth sport.

"Before the age of 13, there's no public league tables, no official match scores, no national rankings, and that's enshrined in law."

In Norway, young people have the right to participate in safe and secure training environments without "pressure or exploitation" under the Children's Rights in Sports framework.

Better ban homeworks and school exams as well just to be sure.

[Potato]

The really stupid thing is we already do that in football in Australia. 

U13s is the first competitive season where tables and scores are kept. 

Just ignorant "journalism"

[benji]

Both an Italian AND Australia story:

”It’s absolutely not an Italian thing,” she said, pointing out that the man who drove her away from the bar was a European expat.

“Unfortunately for me and a lot of my girlfriends, much worse things have happened to us here in Australia.

“I think we’d like to say it’s isolated to other countries. But we can see by domestic violence rates and the amount of women being unalived in Australia that it’s not safe here either.”

[Potato]

[benji]

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cgk4xrznxn5o

At the peak of the June heatwave, the warmest June on record in England, all Tavia Watts could think about was how hot it was in her two- and five-year-old's bedroom - above 30C in some cases.

"During the heatwave, I've got a high level of anxiety all the time and I'm pretty much useless," she told the BBC. "I've had to leave bedtime when my husband reads [my kids] stories to have a little cry and to calm down, because it's just too hot in their room and I'm afraid for them."

Feeling "incredibly helpless", the 36-year-old posted a short reel to her hundreds of followers on Instagram, in which she voiced her inner anxieties. To her surprise, it got more than 18,000 likes and 1,700 reposts.

In the video Tavia, a stay-at-home mum living in Cheltenham, says the heat "feels like the world is literally ending", she's "terrified for [her] children's lives", and that she "wants to scream at the people not taking this seriously".

"Once people have been through a traumatic event like a flood or a heatwave, they anticipate the next one," Hickman, who offers therapy to individuals experiencing climate anxiety, told the BBC.

In the UK, "now we're getting the repeat, repeat, repeat [heatwaves]. It triggers that sense that 'I can't be safe in the world, and the world can't be trusted'," she added.

In June's heatwave, Hickman said she "had people saying they're going to kill themselves, I've had people saying they're going to terminate pregnancies, I've had people saying that they want to sell their houses and move somewhere cooler".

Watts said that her video "clearly struck a chord with people" - including therapists posting comments about coping mechanisms - and that she wanted to help others deal with climate anxiety.

"It can go one of two ways. You can either just fall into doomism and think, 'What is the point?'" she said.

"Or you can try to do something. I sign petitions during a heatwave; I organise climate community events; I run a free children's clothes swap shop. During the last heatwave, I finally became vegetarian, because then I can tell my kids at least I tried."

Lizzie Ellen was "terrified" when she first learned about climate change in school, but at the time felt like it was "quite far off".

Now, the scorching temperatures of recent weeks have left the 38-year-old from west London "obsessively" reading about the heatwave and constantly checking her weather app.

Ellen, who gave birth to her first child a few months ago, told the BBC she had felt both isolated and worried about keeping her baby cool.

"With the baby, I've been staying indoors more, keeping on top of checking the temperature… so there's that isolation," she said.

"Then there's the future, which is really scary to be honest - thinking about how the heat we experienced back in June could become a daily reality within a very short time, [my baby's] lifetime… and that's pretty miserable, staying indoors all day in the dark."

It's hot in the summer:

[benji]

"Then there's the future, which is really scary to be honest - thinking about how the heat we experienced back in June could become a daily reality within a very short time

Seriously, science education completely bypassed these people. They truly believe that a 1 degree change in the average annual temperature will end seasons and make it peak summer at all times.

For one thing, it can't be the same temperature all year around for countries this far up from the equator because the Earth tilts on its axis.

How in the world so many people have become religiously convinced that a slight change in 3% of the atmosphere will turn the Earth into Venus in their lifetime, especially when this has never before happened, needs to be studied. They jabber endlessly about the "science" while holding the beliefs of Young Earth Creationists by denying millions of years of history. (And what that might say about a self-regulatory system's power over 3% of it versus catastrophic cascade.)

[Potato]

"Then there's the future, which is really scary to be honest - thinking about how the heat we experienced back in June could become a daily reality within a very short time

Seriously, science education completely bypassed these people. They truly believe that a 1 degree change in the average annual temperature will end seasons and make it peak summer at all times.

For one thing, it can't be the same temperature all year around for countries this far up from the equator because the Earth tilts on its axis.

How in the world so many people have become religiously convinced that a slight change in 3% of the atmosphere will turn the Earth into Venus in their lifetime, especially when this has never before happened, needs to be studied. They jabber endlessly about the "science" while holding the beliefs of Young Earth Creationists by denying millions of years of history. (And what that might say about a self-regulatory system's power over 3% of it versus catastrophic cascade.)

I blame disaster movies. Pretty sure that's where most of their climate change knowledge comes from.

[Potato]

Publication which encourages its readers to behave in a way which sucks the joy out of life unironically posts an article asking why life is so joyless...

Can't make this shit up!

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2026/jul/26/age-of-decadence-pleasure-ai

Why does everything feel so joyless? Welcome to the age of decadence without pleasure

Do you want to have a good time? You know, really enjoy yourself? Click here, and tell us your desires. Maybe it’s a new outfit, or some exotic cuisine delivered anonymously and steaming hot to your door. Maybe it’s porn or gambling. Perhaps you prefer the infinite scroll, the endlessly unfurling ribbon of glossy images and videos starring people you’ll never meet doing things you’ll never do. Or maybe you favor talking to a chatbot who will assure you that you are the most special of all its users.

[Potato]

What the fuck are they teaching these kids at journalism school these days? 

The first round most of these kids should be on is the courts round. Don't tell me you are a journalist if you have never heard of the term "grievous bodily harm".

What a numbnuts.

[Uncle]

https://www.pcgamer.com/games/an-innocent-man-spent-18-months-in-prison-because-police-misread-his-skyrim-user-name/

An innocent man spent 18 months in prison because police misread his Skyrim user name

(not his skyrim user name, his skyrim-based user name on a particular service)

A Canadian man who spent 18 months in jail after being convicted of charges including child luring and possession of child pornography has been formally declared innocent after his lawyers discovered a mixup in the initial investigation that pointed police at the wrong man.

Brandon Klayme was arrested by police in Halifax, Nova Scotia in February 2020, according to a CBC report (via Polygon), following an investigation by police in the US state of Wisconsin into an exchange of sexual messages, photos, and videos with a 12-year-old on the Kik instant messaging platform.

The suspect in the case had the username "fus__ro_dah," the famous "Unrelenting Force" dragon shout from The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim, but US authorities mistakenly investigated "fus_ro_dah," with just one underscore instead of two, which led them to Klayme.

Klayme was found guilty in April 2023 and sentenced to 18 months in prison, followed by another 18 months probation. It wasn't until earlier this year that lawyers working on his appeal noticed the discrepancy while "trying to figure out why the digital forensic evidence pointed at him given his denial of any involvement."

"In the latter stages of preparing my appeal arguments, it was discovered that the subpoena contained a subtle mistake that changed the course of my life," Klayme wrote in an affidavit submitted to the court. "Instead of requesting details for the username 'fus__ro_dah,' the subpoena requested details for the username 'fus_ro_dah.'

"The police officer did not notice that the perpetrator’s Kik username 'fus__ro_dah' contains a double underscore. This discrepancy went completely unnoticed at the trial. It was never brought to the attention of the trial judge."

The obvious question is how Klayme was convicted of the charges in the absence of any actual evidence. The sentencing order (via Gizmodo, and note that it contains some explicit descriptions) is unclear on that point: "No images or chats" related to the case were found on any of Klayme's devices, but prosecutors nonetheless spent three days presenting evidence, and the court ultimately concluded "on the basis of the totality of direct and circumstantial evidence," including IP addresses and other online account information, that Klayme was the person involved in the exchanges with the victim.

The order overturning Klayme's sentence is equally unclear, although it points the finger directly at that username mixup as the root cause of Klayme's nightmare.

"If the correct username had been used to obtain the subscriber information from Kik, the Crown could not have proven Mr. Klayme was fus__ro_dah with two underscores," the ruling states. "Further, if the correct username had been used at the start of the investigation, the subsequent steps in the investigation would not have led to Mr. Klayme. He would not have been arrested and charged with the offences."

The appeals court also made a point of stating that Klayme was not being released on a technicality, legal error, or simple doubt: "Mr. Klayme should not have been convicted of these offences. This is not a situation where an acquittal is entered because the Crown has failed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt the essential elements of an offence or an error during the trial made the verdict unsafe. In these circumstances, Mr. Klayme is factually innocent of the offences. He should never have been charged, let alone convicted."

The ruling granting Klayme's appeal also says that if police had pursued the correct user name, it likely would have led to someone in California; that person is presumably still walking around free.

the court's "whoopsie" statement reads like AI or something

"fair, it seems you weren't actually guilty, and you were right to push back on that! let me break down how wrong I was in this circumstance:"

[benji]

[filler]