Random Talk

[Nintex]

I've concluded she made the right call for us.
She protected me from myself.

Another impossible romance.

Because of her grounded character she looked at the facts, astma and animals. It was her primary concern before and during the date. As a vet she's an animal person, horse riding, dog school etc. The woman basically lives with animals 24/7. It isn't a pet to manage  it is her life. It's like asking me to throw out my movie related stuff, half my living room would be empty, no art on the walls either. 

Spoiler:  (click to show)(click to hide)

She knew I would've been able to solve some of it. But I can partake in maybe 20% of the things that matterred to her and if my astma gets worse as little as 10% or 5%. It would've been a ticking time bomb. As a vet looking after abandoned pets she knew, she even brought it up. 

Whenever there is a big astma risk I subconsiously try to avoid it, be it a smoke machine or a perfume store. I'm on edge when that happens and try to cut short whatever I'm doing. I was nervous testing beds in the store because of it, specifically picked the most suitable fabric.

The only thing that can overrule my sex drive is fear of an astma attack because it nearly killed me multiple times. I think that's why I didn't mind leaving and didn't push to stay. She could also tell, I started as my cocky self by immediately planting my ass next to her and got more reserved as time passed even though we were both comfortable. 

So my next move... well I have her favorite movie The Shawshank Redemption sitting here wrapped in 4k for 3 years now and we had fun talking. But she only has a small Netflix setup in her animal kingdom and complained it was removed. I thought maybe it was one of those signs again and I think it still is, just a different sign.

She doesn't have many movie watching types as friends. In a week or 2 I'll ask if she wants to come see it... as a friend with my bud(who is gay), because we're one man short now and she's the coolest person with a great taste in movies I've met lately. He can also help her find a good van, he's an expert camper. 

So who knows if she likes that idea I might've not found love but a new friend instead or maybe some kind of relationship can still emerge from that. 

How do I know this version checks out? I told her early on in our chat, just for one night animals wouldn't be a problem but long term we'd have trouble. I told the exact same thing to another girl with 3 dogs. In my excitement I just forgot. When I add astma to my dream, the very reason we'd have both her house and my appartment, the dream collapses quickly.

And now I'm finally crying because in the end all she did was follow the advice of the "smartest man on the app" to a T. 

Because she knew after date 1, I was a straight up, trustworthy, smart guy but like me, she would've had to give up her kids(animals) too.

I hope she wants to be my new friend.

Without the pressure on both sides of well anything we might still end up in my new bed sometime.