Journal of Other Forum Analysis (Volume II, Issue 2)

[Potato]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/green-flags-strong-signals-from-potential-romantic-interest-and-completely-misread-them-experiences-story-inside.1387837/

**IMPORTANT note - romantic interest misread = A.O.K. Used to it. Not phased. But even friendship "backfire" after all of this? :/"

So, the facts.

I met a girl at work.
We usually work from home, but we started chatting more and more. At first it was standard work talk, then it naturally turned into longer conversations and personal topics like what you do in your own time, music you like, travel, background, etc.

Important context. I would have genuinely been fine if this stayed platonic. I have plenty of female friends. Even a "hey, I like you but not romantically" outcome would have been totally fine. I did start developing romantic interest, but friendship was never a deal breaker.

Over time we got closer. We had several in office days and group settings where we gravitated toward each other. One day I casually said, "Hey, do you want to do dinner just us in a few weeks? You can choose the place."
She sounded super enthusiastic. Happy, vibrant, clearly positive. Even then, I was still thinking this could just be friendly and that would be fine.

Fast forward to our work Christmas party. We basically stuck together the whole night. Ignored most other people and just talked to each other. It was very touchy feely. Her hand on my lap, my hand on her arm. Nothing that would raise eyebrows at work, but definitely closer than strictly platonic coworkers.

I was a bit tipsy. She was not drinking because she said she was on medication. She then suggested changing our January dinner plans to "how about we go for drinks that night and then wherever the night takes us," (because she said she will be off the medication by then) plus comments like "you haven't met the other side of me, she's fun," and similar things throughout the night.

At that point, even as someone who admits he cannot read women well, I thought okay, these feel like very strong signals. Not guaranteed, but at least something beyond pure friendship.

Then today, our last day before shutdown. I asked if she was up for a quick call, mainly to confirm we were all good for January.

The call starts totally normal. Work talk, joking, laughing, gossip. All fine. Then I casually ask something she herself had previously mentioned. Since she had said her current role is a means to an end and not a forever thing, I said, "Have you thought about what you want to do instead?"

She suddenly freezes. Completely different energy. And says, "That's a totally life-changing decision and I don't think you should be asking me about that."

I was genuinely thrown.
She had already opened up in the past about:

• a failed engagement
  
• travel
  
• minor past trauma
  
• unhappiness at work
  

Personal topics were not new territory.

I said, "Oh, okay, no worries." Then tried to move on: "What do you have planned during shutdown?"
She mentions her mum visiting. I say, "Oh cool, you mention your mum a lot — do you speak to your dad?"

Her response: "Um… yes? Why wouldn't I?"
Then dead silence.

At this point I'm seriously confused, so I say, "Sorry, did I ask something inappropriate?"

She replies: "Oh no, I'm just not an open person unless you're the right person."

I didn't know what to say, so I shifted topic again. She mentions travelling to her home country next year. I ask if she speaks the language.
Again: "Why are you asking me these questions? I feel like you're trying to paint a picture of me and get to know me."

And internally I'm thinking… yes? That's literally what conversations are?

Up until this point we had discussed:

• personal finances
  
• social circles
  
• hobbies
  
• breakups
  
• background
  
• music
  
• travel
  
• work history
  
• light family stuff
  

So I finally say, calmly:
"Look, I'm sorry if I've asked questions you didn't like. But honestly, I felt like we were getting to know each other — we've talked about a lot already. I'm not sure why it's an issue now, but that's fine. I won't ask anything personal again."

Dead silence.

I thanked her for the call and ended it.

I'm not really hurt — rejection doesn't hit me that hard. I'm just… confused. And honestly a bit disappointed that even a friendship seems off the table now, because the whole thing feels so weird that I don't even want to engage anymore.

What gets me is that it wasn't like she was having a bad day. Work talk was light, funny, normal. But the moment it went personal — something that had happened many times before — it was like I was talking to a completely different person.

If she'd drawn that boundary from day one, fair enough. Totally understandable. But this sudden shift after so many signals just makes my brain hurt.

So yeah.

Went from:
"she seems cool" →
"oh, I think I like her" →
"wait… maybe she likes me too?" →
dead, instantly, before it even became anything.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of whiplash?

Huge IF here, but if that whole scenario happened exactly like he said, she absolutely led him on. However, as we know, most of the remaining resettis are extremely autistic, so there's no doubt in my mind he's misrepresented the whole thing. Hand in lap was probably just an accidental brush of her hand on his leg etc.