Random Talk

[filler]

The explanation is the medication I took for my skin infection or maybe long COVID or a form of depression.
I thought the trigger was limiting my time to take care of my parents but that wasn't it.

Between 2020 - 2023 I was more or less on pause. Very few ideas, no creativity, little social activity (almost none). The evidence for this is everywhere, the number of times I went out, the games I finished, the playlists I made etc. . It wasn't just the ED everything went "numb". The last thing I chased was VR, the last game I was really into Cyberpunk 2077. 

After june 2024 it shifts and I return back to my old self but in a new context and environment. I have time to spare and start to do more things. In 2025 I think I'm catching up 11 years but it's actually 3 - 4 years. I had more limits prior to 2020 than I do now with astma, some stomach issues etc. but nothing as severe as 2021 - 2023. 

By the end of 2025 everything is fixed and thanks to the gym I have more energy and drive than ever before. 

I gradually slipped into the void and didn't realize it had a clear cause. Coming out of it was not some kind of force of will but simply stopping the medication but it takes about 6 - 12 months until it is completely out of your system and recovery from a depressed mental state takes longer.

Once I "recovered" I started doing things again like I had before 2020. Some things have been swapped such as writing for the game site which has been replaced by the YouTube channel. And instead of going to nightclubs I take Bumble dates to beachclubs but the essence is the same. 

Anyway 201X - 2019 I had a great time with many achievements. Lots of dopamine hits. 
2020 - 2023 everything went dark
2024 the lights came back on

That explains my support for Trump 2. As well as my crush on the redhead and the good feelings about Canada and the Switch 2. It was all just confirmation for my brain that the good times of winning were back. And acting overly confident, positive, feisty and rebellious simply a way to prevent anyone from bringing me down again. I literally said it: "I need a big win".

Anyway it helps to know that my personality did not change or transform but I returned to my prior self and now that I know I won't just slip back into the void again I can be more chill and start building again. 

Plus I can stop dodging the elephant in the room on dates: "Why are you single?" as it no longer relates to an 9 year gap but rather a specific 3 year window. 

I might just go back to clubbing even. It has been a while but when my old friends stopped going out after 2017 or so I just tagged along with a younger group. 

Funny how your mind can play tricks on you.

use an axe like the movie!