Conspiracy Theories

[Snoopy]

Picture the scene. You're trying to DIVULGE important new information about THEM to your SCIF when you happen to look across the dinner table and see your wife picking up her plate and licking it clean. Like a dog. What in the jar jar binks is this shit you wonder as you watch her slobbering over her dish? Then it all begins to make sense. The new shoes. The different cereal that suddenly appeared one morning. Granola!! Why granola? Where's the Coco Pops? Gone. Just...Gone...They don't make Coco Pops anymore, she said. I knew it was a lie. I'd seen the other new "food" in the fridge. The couscous. The Polenta. That posh bread. Mozzarella. What do these things all have in common? Grains. What are grains the staple diet of? You guessed it...The homosexual. She's trying to turn me gay!!!