Conspiracy Theories

[Nintex]

I just need to post this somewhere:

... he is the worst President we've ever had. So anyway you are living in a home with a man a woman and two children and YOU have to be very very careful right [points at bald man in crowd who is a registered sex offender]. You are with your family its perfect and then she says: "Can you stay with the kids honey, the tennis coach is coming over". [bumps mic] 

And you smile very politely, "Sure darling". But actually you want to beat up this motherf--- [punching movements] because you know after THOUSANDS of lessons she STILL can't hit a ball. So you are watching some cartoons with the children and its crazy what they do these days [air accordeon], it's all going so fast like a mouse and a robot and also cars with eyes. Who the hell comes up with this stuff right? [throws up hands in the air 2 minutes of USA USA USA chants for no reason] 

Suddenly ONE of the beautiful children says: "I have to go PEEPEE" [constipated face] and you say "Ok, you go ahead and peepee" and then the other small person says: "I peepee too and daddy peepee also" and you're like what the HELL is going on. And you can't have them go alone, it would be total disaster, they turn it into a ballet[mimic a wave with hands] I call it a water ballet. But if that tennis coach sees you go into the bathroom with the children, say bye bye, daddy is going to jail honey, don't cry. Daddy is a dirty dirty son of a bitch, how about we go live with my big beautiful tennis coach. He's so beautiful I can't keep my eyes of him... I want to... look we have to protect. It's so unfair what they are doing, just look at what happened to my good friends Ghislaine and Jeff...Ep...Apple... President Jefferson, President Jefferson. [gasps] otherwise we'll not have a country anymore. [silence]

These people are crazy, they are absolutely destroying our country so we'll have to protect our great American workers. [yelling and cheering, chants of WE LOVE TRUMP]