Journal of Other Forum Analysis

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/feeling-as-if-im-on-the-verge-of-divorce.739347/

Not even sure why I'm posting here, but I honestly have nowhere to vent, so just need to type it out somewhere.

I'm 39 and married to my wife who I've been with for the last 17 years. We have a 14 year old daughter. Both of them are what makes me happy. My wife works hard, gaining her degrees and working a job she loves. My daughter is going into Highschool and a straight A student. They are literally my entire life. I spend almost no time with friends, maybe going out twice in the last 2 years. Believe it or not, none if this bothers me. I'm happy to be a homebody.

Now, I'm not perfect by any stretch. I've lied, mainly about smoking pot, for which my wife says she wants to know anytime I'm going to do so.

I have never cheated or thought of doing so, so we can get that out of the way. My wife hasn't either. However, I have been accused of doing so on many an occasions. Once because I did laundry and she saw a pair of underwear that weren't hers or my daughters. So she flipped out on me and made tons of accusations. The next day my mother in law came over, who is here 3 days a week. They were her underwear.

12 years or so ago I got very drunk and my wife found me passed out on the floor when she got home. This was my dumbest mistake because I was at home with my daughter when she was only 2. She recorded this instance. If I was ever to have a drink, she would play that video in front of me. Even did so in front of our daughter.

I don't drink anymore, unless on special occasions. Last drink was July 2022 because we were on vacation. In August that year I developed seizures, so those days are gone anyways.

That changed in November 2022, when I had a break out seizure and bought alcohol and drank. My seizures are followed by blackouts that last hours. I have changed my meds since and have been good for 8 months now without issue.

My says that's another instance where she can't trust me now. She bought a breathalyzer.

Today I spent the entire day in the pool with my daughter. Earlier today my father in law came over and we did some yard work and hung in the pool.

Tonight I was asked to let the dogs out, so I did, but I also went around the pool to turn on the filter. My wife then calls me and asks if I was smoking. I told her no. She said she saw my by the shed. This makes sense since I walk past the shed to teach the pool pump.

I asked why she is accusing me, she says because she can't trust me, and that it's my fault she views me this way now. She even checks find my iPhone to see where I am sometimes if I don't get home by a certain time.

Again, I'm not Saint, but she works and is doing home school. In response I do the dishes, the laundry, clean the house, the yard, the pool, etc.. and when she comes home she gets to relax. If she's so tired she wants to just go to bed, it's no issue.

But I keep being made to feel like I'm a total piece of shit. Tonight she told me I'm a selfish asshole. So I told her I wanted to just go for a walk and calm down. She said no, because it would make her worry that I might have a seizure, so it wasn't fair to just leave the house.

So I feel like shit and I feel shackled. I honestly don't know what to do and it's tearing me apart.


Again, not sure why I'm even writing this. You can ignore if you wish. I just felt the need to type it out because I'm in a real bad headspace right now, and seizure meds don't help either.

I battle depression now for the last 2-3 years. Never been depressed my entire life. The meds only make it worse since it can amplify my mood. This sometimes leads me to just sit downstairs alone after nights like tonight and cry for hours.

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https://www.resetera.com/threads/feeling-as-if-im-on-the-verge-of-divorce.739347/#post-108595362

We're only getting your side of the story here of course but from your end, this sounds really, really rough. She seems like she's treating you more like a child than an adult. Has she asked to smell your breath yet?

get that completely, as it's only possible to give mine, but she has told me the trust issues comes from lying about smoking.

I tell her I'm not entirely honest because if I do smoke she gets mad at me.

Also about the child thing, yes. I actually tell her that all the time. An example would be that tomorrow I'm heading to a restaurant we frequent often with her father to get a gift card for him.

She asked "You know what you have to do Friday right?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm gonna swing my Popei's and get your dad a $100 gift card for his birthday next weekend".

Her : "Okay, but I want to just make sure you know that it has to be $100. I just want to be sure you realize that. It can't be $50 or $75, it has to be $100."

Me: "I just said that."

Her : "Okay, but I just needed to be sure."

This is when I would respond by telling her I'm not a child and I'm not stupid, and that I already know what I need to do and just said so.


She also hasn't asked to smell my breath. She hasn't even used to breathalyzer. It hasn't been been opened and it's 8 months later.

I mean July was the last time I willingly drank.

November 28th I had a seizure that caused me to black out. My mother in law says I go into the car and left, coming back home about 20 minutes later.

I remember none of that evening. Not until around midnight when I woke in the hospital.

Regarding alcohol, prior to November when I seized, blacked out and managed to get alcohol, I drank together on vacation. Just 2 drinks the entire time.

Prior to that I didn't drink since the holidays. I drank stupid in my early 20's, but once I hit my 30's I didn't do much anymore. I have reflux and it does me no favors and makes me feel sick.