Journal of Other Forum Analysis

[Jansen]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-brother-didnt-attend-my-wedding-last-year-now-he-wants-to-talk.939795/

Ah a "fuck your family" thread.

I tend not to post my personal shit on here but I dunno how to feel right now. Cautiously optimistic I guess? Foolishly optimistic? I just gotta get it out there cause it's making me feel so weird.

Quick context:
My husband and I have been together since 2012. We got engaged in late 2022 for a Friday, October 13th 2023 small wedding ceremony: just the courthouse with immediate family, then a dinner at a local restaurant across the street. My brother has known my husband for most of that time and has never once indicated, despite being more and more religious once he moved to North Carolina, that it was a problem for him. He was the first person besides my parents that I came out to back in 2012, and he was so supportive.

Anyway:
My birthday is on the 27th of July, and my brother's is on the 31st. If we're not celebrating together, we usually call each other. So on my birthday last year, he called and told me to expect "something" in the mail and to give him a call when I got it. I was of course excited! I got a handwritten letter a couple weeks later, right before work. I read it after getting ready, and my whole world seemed to crumble. "I love you, but I can't celebrate with you on your big day." I still have that letter, and it was two pages of cowardly bullshit about how gay relationships are against Biblical texts. He had been talking about the wedding for six months at this point, and it was closing in on three months to the event itself. My husband was fucking pissed.

I called my parents, furious and deeply upset, and when they heard they were similarly shocked and horrified. They asked him if he was serious and he said he was, so my parents told him to talk to me and they told me to not hold back. So I didn't. I told him that it felt like my whole self-confidence about being openly gay was built on a lie, that I felt betrayed and hurt. He gave some nonsense about "thinking about eternity" and I told him that until he can figure his shit out, lose my number. I'll be cordial at any family event that we both have to attend, but nothing else. I told him that when people asked where he was at the wedding, I would be honest. That was almost a year ago. I told my parents I wouldn't make them choose between us, but I was icing him out until he got his head out of his ass. They said okay and they understood.

So the 27th rolled by a couple days ago (wahoo 32 lol), and my brother texted me saying he wanted to talk. I was busy with my friends doing Magic The Gathering and board games, so I told him the next day would be best. He said okay, then I didn't hear from him yesterday. Today, he texted again. I told him I'm at work, give me half an hour, he said okay. So here I am, twiddling my thumbs at work. I'm hoping so badly that he figured out how much of an asshole he is. Icing out my brother didn't feel good, even if I know it was the right thing to do. I knew he was religious, but I never thought it would go so far as to blow up our relationship like this. I don't want to hear any more sanctimonious bullshit. If I do, I'm just gonna hang up and continue like normal. My mom's 60th birthday is in December and it'll be my parents, my husband and I, and my brother and his gf. Cynical part of me is thinking he wants to mend fences to keep mom's birthday from being awkward, cause he knows I will not give him the time of day on that vacation. I wonder if his new gf even knows what happened. My mom says the gf knows all about me and thinks I'm the bee's knees, so maybe I'm hoping that she got through to him.

And once he's done with me, he has to make things right with my husband, too. Good luck with that, he's still infuriated by it.

I dunno, man. This last 20 minutes of work is brutal.

His brother is definitely a piece of shit and eerily similar to my two older brothers but if he calls and offers a truce why would you still ice him out

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-brother-didnt-attend-my-wedding-last-year-now-he-wants-to-talk.939795/?post=126472053#post-126472053

Canas Renvall said:
Welp, got off the phone with him. Short, seven minute conversation where things basically stayed neutral. He just wanted to call and say happy birthday and he loved me and my husband, despite him and us "not talking much lately". Basically just tried to make small talk and ignore the elephant in the room, and I wasn't going to be the one to initiate. I got Deadpool in and hour and a half, dawg, I don't wanna be in a shitty mood.
So in essence, I guess nothing has changed. Until he admits he was wrong,
mariahcarey-dontknowher.gif
Edit: But thank you all for your support, you're all too kind! <3 Like I said, I don't like airing out my dirty laundry usually, it was just driving me crazy so I had to get it out there somehow. Better here than Reddit, lmao

It didn't go well because his brother didn't get on his knees and beg for forgiveness