Conspiracy Theories

[benji]

edit:

As of Thursday, White Hats were in North Carolina and had engaged federal forces, a source in Gen. Smith’s office told RRN. “Better late than never,” he said.

Moreover, he admitted that if General Smith hadn’t received an unexpected phone call from a rather bewildering person, White Hats probably wouldn’t be in North Carolina today.

That person told Gen. Smith, “I know we don’t see eye to eye, but we’re in the fight of our lives here, and we wouldn’t mind a little assistance.” The caller was none other than the man known as Col. Kurtz, the enigmatic leader of the Red Hats, who said his men had arrived in Chimney Rock and were fighting a pitched battle against FEMA and FBI agents trying to lay claim to the area’s vast lithium deposits. Kurtz told Gen. Smith he had lost 12 men the night previous, as Red Hats fought to stop marauding FEMA agents from fortifying their position. He said his men “took out” two helicopters that tried to insert more FEMA agents near the now-flooded Great Woodland Adventure Trail.

Our source said the general convened an emergency meeting of the White Hat council, which, following a two-hour convocation, unanimously voted to aid the beleaguered Red Hats.

Thursday evening, US Marines arrived by choppers and ground vehicles in Asheville and Chimney Rock, where, as their helos hovered above clouds of green smoke—the internationally recognized symbol for a safe landing zone—Red Hats had just hosed down a throng of FEMA agents.

At the same time, US Special Forces out of Camp Liberty ambushed FEMA personnel who had blockaded Asheville Regional Airport, destroying 15 FEMA vehicles and killing 23 agents equipped with everything from sidearms to rifles to squad automatic weapons. Four valiant Special Forces died to gunfire, our source said.

Meanwhile, in Chimney Rock, White Hats and Red Hats fought side-by-side, skirmishing with FEMA/FBI that desperately tried holding the Esmeralda Inn & Restaurant, a three-story bed & breakfast where agents on the upper floor shot from the windows at White Hats and Red Hats. Many good men, whose intrepidity shook FEMA’s resolve, lost their lives, but the White Hat/Red Hat coalition prevailed, destabilizing FEMA’s hold on the area.

As of this writing, White Hats and Red Hats have sent reinforcements, and so has the federal government. Our source said both White Hats and Red Hats will remain in North Carolina until every corrupt federal agent has been driven out—or killed. The battle rages on.