Journal of Other Forum Analysis (Volume II, Issue 1)

[benji]

It's strange how people like Melds and Echoes make being a "lesbian" their entire personality. Like, they obsess over it all the time and never miss a chance to constantly remind people they are lesbians, want to see wlw content, and how much they perv out to lesbians, like it's some proud, brave, and outstanding accomplishment and not just them being creepy perverts telling everyone about how much they love their sexual fetish.

I think similar for retards like plagiarize who takes it to the next level with irl pins on his shirt, tattoos watever stating I'M NON-BINARY!!!

Like, nobody gives a fuck, and why are you advertising it? Be who you are n go about your life. Insanity

The fact a man close to 40 keeps referring to himself as a "girl" over "women" most of the time is telling.

Autogynephilia  also seems to make you sexually attracted to teen girls too. It's not really "women love women" stuff they're going for, it's under age teen girls they jerk off to.

It's beyond disgusting, it's pedophilia disguised behind granny glasses and moobs.

They like to infantilize themselves and think doing so it makes them "cute and quirky." People see a balding, 40+ year old man trying to act like a preteen girl and all they see is a sexual predator that needs to stay away from any kids.

Speaking of plagiarize, based on his blog I get the impression he dresses like a child a lot. Lots of "girly" colored overalls. Carries multiple stuffed animals everywhere. (The other way he dresses is supposed to be this SHOCKING "I'm challenging all your gender norms!" that contrasts significantly with the former.)

45 year old married man who makes six figures working for the police.

[HaughtyFrank]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/why-women-criticise-sexualised-character-designs-ot3-make-her-look-more-corpulent-more-stuffed-where-the-eyes-cant-escape.275780/page-465#post-141441096

I guess this is not wrong-think anymore if its transmafia approved

Gaming communities have reverted back to being more openly hostile towards criticism aimed at sexualization female characters are subject to, even outside of games

I kind of had an epiphany that we are living through a 2000s nostalgia.Everything feels like it's reverting back to "OW THE EDGE"

For me, it honestly felt like we'd never left it.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/why-women-criticise-sexualised-character-designs-ot3-make-her-look-more-corpulent-more-stuffed-where-the-eyes-cant-escape.275780/post-141439098

And this right here is why there's a pushback. People like them had control over the media for about a decade or so but it just never ever was enough. Even when the western industry cowed so much to their demands they still kept going "Hey what about Peaches ass in Mario Kart?"
Lunatics who should just be ignored.

[Boredfrom]

Is silly that they are saying that we are back to 2000’s edge, we just have two instances of people getting harassed for obvious edgy jokes.

[DavidCroquet]

One thing I notice about the israel topics is how many random fake terms keep popping up without introduction or explanation.

It seems Iranian media is claiming that Iran has knocked out two IOF aircraft.

Claimed footage of an IOF terrorist after having ejected from their aircraft: https://x.com/Haman_Ten/status/1933579928659710180

It is about Benjamin Mileikowsky staying in power. As soon as he faced a threat he knew he had to start a war.

(I assume is IOF is really cool internet people's way of saying "Israeli Occupation Force" , and Mileikowsky is about Netenyahu's paternal grandfather's name, apparently...but it is all unambigously gay).

[Boredfrom]

I think it is also important to acknowledge that Stellar Blade is very much entirely based around sexualizing the women characters. It's by most metrics, a very very good porn game (just without any explicit scenes). There's discussion to be had about sexualizing women characters in otherwise innocuous games, but the entire point of SB is: sexy ladies doing cool things, and so criticizing it for objectifying women is like criticizing Call of Duty for glorifying war, violence and gun combat. (which is still valid, obviously).

That is all to say, it doesn't necessarily apply to every game with sexualized characters -- games like Tekken or Atelier have no business portraying their characters in the way they do. I just think Stellar Blade merely existing isn't inherently a bad thing.

I actually feel pretty comfortable saying Stellar Blade is inherently a bad thing and shouldn't exist.

Maybe in a vacuum, or a different world where all this baggage didn't come with it, it'd be fine, but we don't live in a vacuum or that different world.

And that's without even accounting for the developer being... who they are. Which is the biggest problem, really.

I'm not saying there's no nuance here, like I get the overall point, but I sure am tired of it all, maybe it's turning me extra extremist.

[Switters]

Poor Dice's teeth have to be ground to fine nubs having to endure being mansplained to by a bunch of women...and... whatever Jeff is.. (Cunt)

[Ethan]

One thing I notice about the israel topics is how many random fake terms keep popping up without introduction or explanation.

It seems Iranian media is claiming that Iran has knocked out two IOF aircraft.

Claimed footage of an IOF terrorist after having ejected from their aircraft: https://x.com/Haman_Ten/status/1933579928659710180

It is about Benjamin Mileikowsky staying in power. As soon as he faced a threat he knew he had to start a war.

(I assume is IOF is really cool internet people's way of saying "Israeli Occupation Force" , and Mileikowsky is about Netenyahu's paternal grandfather's name, apparently...but it is all unambigously gay).

It's probably the lingo Hasan uses in his streams.

[Jansen]

User Banned (Permanent): Cross-thread drama. The report function should be used instead of summoning people to drama. Multiple infractions recieved after being granted a return from a previous permanent site ban

I'm sure hap posted this already but I love the "summoning people to drama" bit.

[Boredfrom]

Its annoying even as someone who kinda like SB. I don't really think you can celebrate and pretend the sexualization isn't a problem or a boost to those numbers. Or at least that it isn't a convo to be had.

But that is the whole reason the studio was formed.  

Is a studio created by some horny artists to make hyper sexualized games without being outright porn. Obviously they are going to celebrate it.

[Cauliflower Of Love]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/israel-has-attacked-iran-and-declares-a-special-state-of-emergency-retaliation-strike-from-iran-underway.1217310/page-20#post-141435018

Geopolitically, this shows that Trump is a paper tiger on the world's stage. He explicitly did not want this, yet here we go.

Genuinely, who the fucks knows at this point. He just said that he totally knew and somehow this will make Iran accept a deal or whatever. 

I don’t believe Axios because is Axios, but I can see them dicking around Iran. But I doubt he is totally fine with Israel given how he accepted Qatar bribe without any second thought.

They knew, they just don't give a shit.

The US has always been a guard to the world by their actions AND inactions. 

The end of the day no state* is really gonna fuck with the US, especially with the insane people at the controls that are willing to go after their own citizens.

*except China.

[DavidCroquet]

User Banned (Permanent): Cross-thread drama. The report function should be used instead of summoning people to drama. Multiple infractions recieved after being granted a return from a previous permanent site ban

I'm sure hap posted this already but I love the "summoning people to drama" bit.

link?

[benji]

Israel does nothing without US approval and greenlight but time and time again people continue to trust the trump admin and they get burned repeatedly. Youd think they would learn after the 32592349th time. Just pure incompetence on the Iranian side.

 more like pure genius from Trump.

Genuinely, who the fucks knows at this point. He just said that he totally knew and somehow this will make Iran accept a deal or whatever. 

I don’t believe Axios because is Axios, but I can see them dicking around Iran. But I doubt he is totally fine with Israel given how he accepted Qatar bribe without any second thought.

They knew, they just don't give a shit.

The US has always been a guard to the world by their actions AND inactions. 

The end of the day no state* is really gonna fuck with the US, especially with the insane people at the controls that are willing to go after their own citizens.

*except China.

The US knows because it coordinates military operations with allies constantly. The US uses Israeli capabilities and vice versa. This is what everyone in the US umbrella does, that's why these dudes are always freaking out about American stuff being used in Ukraine, the systems are setup to run through American capabilities in the first place. Israel is the one that sometimes does special operations without telling the US mission critical information first because they don't want it to leak. Like the US probably knew they had an operation against Hezbollah and how far along it was, but Israel probably didn't inform the US it was going to blow all the pagers up. But when they're launching air strikes? US ships in the Gulf need to know.
 
Only idiots "believed" Trump and Iran definitely didn't. They know the game.

[simiansmarts]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/why-women-criticise-sexualised-character-designs-ot3-make-her-look-more-corpulent-more-stuffed-where-the-eyes-cant-escape.275780/page-465#post-141441096

I guess this is not wrong-think anymore if its transmafia approved

 
And that's the thing. As reflected in RE's population, most of the people in that thread are either men or men who lived most of their lives as men but now claim they're women. As benji mentioned earlier, the actual number of prominent women members on that forum could very well be in the single digits. 
 
From my time spent on that forum, more bans have been dealt out for claims of transphobia than actual misogyny. 

[Bounceounce]

Resetera officially bans people for being fact adhering nom-abuse apologists now.

There were thread closures in the past due to the inability for the forum to properly function around the case, but now one of the only members to consistently post facts around Depp V Heard, has actually caught the ban.

I had the feeling to check on the thread and just see if any hammers had dropped.

[benji]

My favorite part is they still don't understand what the case was about and why Depp won.

[Bounceounce]

My favorite part is they still don't understand what the case was about and why Depp won.

I mean, they're aware it was a defamation trial; most people who believe Amber Heard or believe Depp bar those who passively absorbed information on the case, understand it was a defamation trial.

The only differences are that those who believe Amber often refer to the UK libel trial as having some "criminal" validity or higher authority, through mental gymnastics whilst invalidating the VA trial due to it being about defamation, despite Heard actually being a party in this one.

And those who believe Depp was the primary victim of gross abuse, recognize that by the letter of the jury instructions/Rottenborn's final argument, that if the jury believed Depp had abused Heard/hit her even once, then they would've needed to rule in her favor.

Meaning that they like most who followed the case intensively, believe there was far more grounds to claim that abuse was feigned by Heard and actually perpetuated on Depp, just off of the facts which are more than enough to come to a belief around whether either party was an abuser or a victim to a meaningful degree.

Just about every commenter who was in the live trial thread that wasn't drive by posting, understands why Depp won.

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-4th-estate-is-like-a-fucking-decaying-husk-man-mother-jones-journalist-does-puff-piece-on-an-80-year-old-trumper-and-demands-we-be-nice-on-bsky.1217973/#post-141442137

I unfollowed Mother Jones on bsky cause of this bullshit. Hope they're happy.

[books]

Is there any proof of life from Britt that Topaz even exists?

[HardcoreRetro]

If it does, she should take it to the nearest Chinese restaurant for a free meal.

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-relationship-is-draining-me-and-i-feel-stuck.1217985

First red flag: girlfriend origins 🤣

Hey era good day I'm trying to compile my thoughts but TLDR I am drained from my current relationship for the first time at the 1 year mark. I'm not stupid I noticed red flags across the way and I just kept pushing because I thought I could make it through but it's so hard. I'm going to try and organize my points because this will be a lot of dumping but I just need to unload, if you sift through my mess thank you for taking your time out.



Girlfriend Origins

So I met my girlfriend last year at work and you can track what some will say is the first mistake but I knew the risk there. We started very friendly but we noticed we shared the same values and goals, for me it was friendship at first but on her end she had a crush on me but after getting out a very messy albeit short relationship the year prior I was hesitant on jumping back in the dating pool because I date with intention. That's where my first mistake was that I was overthinking everything long term instead of just living in the moment and taking it one step at a time as we feel each other out but I got out of my own head and asked her out and by our 3rd date I asked her to be my girlfriend, the beginning was overall great.



Mental Health

So one of the first things she told me even prior to dating was her mental health, she is from a big family of all adopted children from the Midwest and then joined the navy. After years of service she was med boarded and has disability for anxiety, ptsd and depression. With the above including all of her past relationships were abusive physically, mentally or emotionally. I knew there was a lot with that and I didn't take it lightly but I admit I was naïve in the beginning as I truly didn't understand what she must go through. I thought if I was just good to her to the best of my ability we could make it work and she also said she was working on herself and on her healing journey.



Within the first 3 months I witnessed one of her episodes, we were at a museum that I used to go to as a child but I haven't been to in years and when we were trying to navigate the map I was confused and from those few seconds of confusion she just changed. She became furious I couldn't figure out the directions and started to berate me call me incompetent etc. I was dumbfounded and when she has these episodes I basically sum it up as nothing I do is right. If I defend myself she just gets angrier if I try to solve the issue she brings up how I should have prevented it from happening in the first place, if I get she says im shutting down like a child. So when she calms down or becomes grounded again she becomes embarrassed, profusely apologizing, and asking if I hate her or want to leave her. It took a while but around the 9 month period I started to understand her triggers and what sets her off and how to ground her when she starts to spiral I thought things would get better but there are other issues…

Self Sacrificing

So one thing I noticed about her in life and work is she lives based on a self-sacrificing lifestyle. She doesn't value herself and chooses to prioritize others wellbeing over her own. She gives money to her siblings who constantly need it and never sets boundaries with them. She takes on way too many tasks at work outside of her job and also picks up lazier employees slack until she burns herself out. She places her value on what she can do for others, when she's sick she will wear a mask to and try to push through to the point of coughing up blood or being out of breath. When I tell her to go home she refuses to listen and says she's fine and it takes the boss having to force her to go home to take care of herself. When she is home she will cry about how her not being able to work is letting everyone down to which I say "FUCK THE JOB prioritize you" the only way your letting everyone down is going to work sick and worrying everybody. Even when we were in the talking phase while explaining hobby's she told me she "I live for work and dread the weekends because then I'm alone and left to myself"



When she became overwhelmed with her family taking advantage of her, her service dog passing away and stretching herself thin she moved to my state on the east coast to get away from everything. She shut herself away and just worked while disassociating from the world.



Control Issues

So with everything above I slowly started seeing controlling behaviors from her strictly for me, she has her own system and methods of doing things that I had to learn, 6 months in I started learning the sweet understanding woman with similar values start to shed into showing me that she is still processing her own issues. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around her because I take her mental health seriously but it comes to a point that friends and family say her behavior around me she comes off more motherly than being a girlfriend. Things I do start to bother her like if I slide my feet walking on the carpet (the sound irritates her, so I stopped this), talking with my hands (she says it's a sign of a lack of confidence, I keep doing this because I can't control this and there's nothing wrong with it), the way I sip a straw (she says that it doesn't seem masculine enough). She tries to diagnose issues with me that are just problems in her head where all of the solutions are just me slowly changing everything about myself to appear "normal. She acts like there's one set way to do things and I'm not following properly. When I explain to her under her control I will become a husk of who I am and I wonder if she genuinely loves me because it seems like she's always trying to change me. She will get defensive but then later say she definitely loves me but these are things that will allow people to take me more seriously and not talk about me. I also believe this stems from her own insecurity and caring sooooo much about how other people think, feel and perceive about her. She acts in ways in public she believes people will perceive her in a proper light as normal and professional. When were home behind closed doors she's a fucking weirdo like me and I love that side of her where she unwinds and is just herself but she sees it as wrong so she only becomes that away from everyone and only shows it to me.

Cultural Divide & Friends

So I have a long term female friend of ten years Ive known in the military as a former supervisor that gave me the initial hook up to this job I currently am still at and even tried to force us together because she believed we'd be good together. My girlfriend resents her because she swears that there is a romantic tension between us or that im lying that ive only seen her as just a friend. She even says she has jealousy issues from her past relationships that included infidelity. But she swears she has no grudge or personal issue with this friend yet she gets bothered if she found out we even had a conversation and I didn't tell her. My friend can be a little messy wanting to know the ins an outs of whats going on in our relationship but that's on me to set that boundary. But outside of that shes harmless to the relationship yet my girlfriend truly believes she is a threat and could be the endpoint of us.



So on the cultural aspect me and my gf are both black, I was raised around this culture and while I I sometimes felt through my hobbys and interest I wasn't black enough I still understand from just who and what I was raised around. My girlfriend was raised by conservative Caucasian parents from the Midwest, shes dealt when many conflicts involving racism which was also a contributing factor to her moving to the east coast. But I bring it up in that she doesn't truly understand parts of just black culture and rather than try to so trys to apply her familys principles to mine and my friends and she ends up clashing with them.



Her family does everything scheduled , dinner at 5pm, clean up at 6pm, games at 7pm, 8pm bed time. Everything is orderly and scheduled. My family? We have a party at 6pm, everyone shows up at 8pm, we clean up after everyone leaves, we play games( sketch on game & wario wii u is a certified classic among my family) whenever we feel like it. To my girlfriend my family is chaos and rather than just listen to what I try to tell her about how they are she clashes with trying to match them with how her family values are which leads to the next big breaking point.



Mom

I love my mother but I also have a lot of issues with her, shes a strong, assertive, and controlling mother who I will just describe as very similar to Rochelle in the sitcom everybody hates Chris. I've had issues as an adult with my moms controlling ways and how she uses family tradition as methods for control and shes always gotten her way yet always comes off unsatisfied as if we don't do enough for her.



Her and my gf do not mesh at all, gf doesn't like the way mom is so controlling when were over her place and wants me to set boundaries with her, mom thinks girlfriend infantilizes me and treats me like a controlling mother. They have there differences but I tried to manage it as "Ill handle mom, don't put any power behind what she does or says. At the end of the day she doesn't pay my bills, doesn't control who I date or what I do at worst she just gives an opinion but just ignore it" but my girlfriend felt the issue was I need to confront her and put her in her place or else she'll run all over me. I feel im stuck between too that in a way just want to control me but for different reasons. But I agree with my gf, I need to confront my mom but you cant fight fire with fire with my mom I know how to communicate with her, I can set my own boundarys with who I am but I cant change her, no one can. But that wasn't good enough my girlfriend feels I need to have a Spartan level shakedown on my mother but its also hard for me as I was raised to fear her authority, my gf talked back to her mom, cursed her out, hung up on her when she was irritated, the way I was raised? I feared even thinking of doing any of those things with my mom. So the breaking point….

We moved in together

So Yeah I know how this looks but hear me out, after month 7 I reestablished my own boundaries, I communicated how I felt more often, I took control of her in case of any episodes but overall this was are best period up until the 11th month stretch. I believed we could manage ourselves, we both are headed into our mid 30s and we want to settle down. We were on good or neutral terms with family and friends so we decide to move in together. I was moving to her side of my state anyway as my commute top work was over an hour depending on traffic and I thought we were managing well. Plus I felt if we could make this work living together then we could make our future work to marriage. So we've been together less than a month and everything has started to crash, but not externally. Internally in me. I've been positive, I've wanted her to love life, give herself a break and give to herself because she always gives to others and because when me and her mesh we mesh. But it hasn't even been a month and I'm getting burned out.

1. Before moving in she would drink on Saturdays to unwind after work has stressed her out, I thought this was fine. But since moving in shes had a drink about every day after work. She only drinks the same whiskey that she feels is a "safe" alcohol. I start to realize she probably always drank during the week.
   
2. She constantly wants me to put up boundaries with my friend of ten years and my mother but they have to be the way she thinks the boundaries should be formed. I've known them longer and her method would have them isolate from me and cut them out of my life which is probably what she really wants. I have issues with my mom but nothing shes done in the span of this relationship was egregious enough that it would ruin it.
   
3. She doesn't listen to me, she hears but doesn't listen. I either have to do things her way and if I don't she perceives that is me not making her feel safe. When I had my birthday two weeks ago I told her originally I didn't want anything, she insisted so I said lets do a simple dinner with my family and then we'll do something we really want to do after. She disagreed saying we should have one big thing, next thing you know she invites a bunch of friends and acquaintances to a hibachi dinner. People I'm cool with but not enough to invite them all out. Then my friend she doesn't like she invited to try to show she has no grudge and that friend invited 7 more people of her own volition which enraged my gf who then blamed me for not setting boundaries with her when I never wanted this dinner anyway.
   
4. She was planning a apartment warming party inviting friends and family july 5th, my mother responds saying she will not attend but still loves us but she doesn't condone us living together without being married cuz of the bible. So I told my gf great now we don't have mom making things awkward let's move on. But gf was just obsessed with why my mom is like that and while drinking instead of just letting it go she sent and angry text to my mom basically saying that she's not backing down and if she doesn't accept her that's fine me and her will thrive and if she doesn't want to be involved then just stay at home. This resulted in my mom going in a full blown rage blowing up our phones, I ignored at first because I was playing MK World until heard my gf screaming in the bathroom having a panic attack yelling "sorry,sorry,sorry, you mom keeps calling idk what to do" so I call mom calm her down then all of us talk. Gf apologizes and tells my mom she respects her and her text was a misunderstanding and she was just overwhelmed with sending out invites. My mom just let her no she has nothing against her personally and that she just wont support anything celebrating things she doesn't agree with. She says it had nothing to do with my gf not being enough or her not liking her. So after the call gf stops her tears proudly saying she deescalated mom by apologizing and telling her she respects her by feeding her ego………she then said if mom doesn't want to be involved with us that's her loss……which is what I told her from the beginning but she decided to poke the bear.
   

So mom called me yesterday after work to say that she will need time away from my gf because she didn't believe her apology, doesn't trust her, and now she says at this moment she actively dislikes her and that she will be keeping her distance until the distance future or if her attitude improves with how she interprets things. My work friend also clashed with my gf who would find problems she had with my work friend and rather than confront her she would tell the boss though it was obvious my gf was the one reporting her. My work friend said she respects me but she's keeping her distance, my sister said unless its immediate family she wants nothing to do with our events or hanging out.



So last night I was at my lowest, I had a stressful moving process, my girlfriend has reset to being calm again but I can't keep doing this. I am drained, it shouldn't be this hard, I'm not perfect I make many mistakes but now the positive in me is dead, I can't enjoy my switch 2, I'm starting to want to stay away from home. Yet we have a dog, a new place and the July 5th party. I'm running on autopilot. I've tried so hard to understand her and be her safe place, her calm and at this point I don't have one for myself. She's not my safe place, she's isolating me from everyone and idk I'm just so tired

[books]

We'll remember what you did in the future. We'll remember who you sided with. And when you try to act all chummy we'll remember exactly what the fuck you are.

What is less than one percent of the population going to do?

I'm so scared!

They actually talk like Elliot Rodgers and Sephiroth.

Regarding Elliot Rogers, forums dot bodybuilding was such a great forum and most folks were like you're a weirdo and chill tf out because they understood jokes and fucking around. But Resetera forums ran by B-Dubs and NepNep seem to cheer on unhinged behavior as seen by brother Noodlesoup's shenanigans. Only a matter of time before we get another Noodlesoup but even more unhinged.

Edit- the now extinct relationship sub forum got me through five years of work downtime back in the day.

[Jansen]

Y'all aren't serious people.

[Besticus Maximus]

What is less than one percent of the population going to do?

I'm so scared!

They actually talk like Elliot Rodgers and Sephiroth.

Regarding Elliot Rogers, forums dot bodybuilding was such a great forum and most folks were like you're a weirdo and chill tf out because they understood jokes and fucking around. But Resetera forums ran by B-Dubs and NepNep seem to cheer on unhinged behavior as seen by brother Noodlesoup's shenanigans. Only a matter of time before we get another Noodlesoup but even more unhinged.

Edit- the now extinct relationship sub forum got me through five years of work downtime back in the day.

one of my favourite ever threads to lurk in over all of my internet was this ten year long thread on bodybuilding about how people treated you differently before and after going to the gym

[Jansen]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/what-are-dangerous-situations-that-you-probably-underestimate.1218213/ 

Return of the King

[benji]

Actual insane person shit to reply to big official accounts. Like what is the delusional thinking here. Lindsay Graham’s aide will look through the sea of “grok explain” posts and find the one post worthy of spotlight. The best case scenario is becoming Ian Miles Chong, and nobody wants that.

He deleted these even though I didn't embed them.

[BIONIC]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/why-women-criticise-sexualised-character-designs-ot3-make-her-look-more-corpulent-more-stuffed-where-the-eyes-cant-escape.275780/page-465#post-141450411

I know someone that stopped playing Nier Automata right on the part you start playing as 9S

I can almost forgive that but only because 9S' gameplay sucks and is the low point of a game that already has kind of boring, extremely one-note combat.

But if the person stopped playing because they can't stare at a butt anymore, I'll roll my eyes so hard they'll reach 88 miles an hour and send my entire head back in time.

Not slick at all

[KillRideMedley]

[/url][url=https://www.resetera.com/threads/%E2%80%98stellar-blade%E2%80%99-crushes-playstation-pc-record-with-183-000-concurrents.1217268/page-9]https://www.resetera.com/threads/%E2%80%98stellar-blade%E2%80%99-crushes-playstation-pc-record-with-183-000-concurrents.1217268/page-9

Uhm maybe this is a good thread to ask but is there a mod that tones down the sexual content a bit? I'm fine with hot women but maybe something that is a bit more appealing to queer women and nonbinaries than to straight men. I think Nier Automata is great, something like that.

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/my-relationship-is-draining-me-and-i-feel-stuck.1217985

First red flag: girlfriend origins 🤣

Hey era good day I'm trying to compile my thoughts but TLDR I am drained from my current relationship for the first time at the 1 year mark. I'm not stupid I noticed red flags across the way and I just kept pushing because I thought I could make it through but it's so hard. I'm going to try and organize my points because this will be a lot of dumping but I just need to unload, if you sift through my mess thank you for taking your time out.



Girlfriend Origins

So I met my girlfriend last year at work and you can track what some will say is the first mistake but I knew the risk there. We started very friendly but we noticed we shared the same values and goals, for me it was friendship at first but on her end she had a crush on me but after getting out a very messy albeit short relationship the year prior I was hesitant on jumping back in the dating pool because I date with intention. That's where my first mistake was that I was overthinking everything long term instead of just living in the moment and taking it one step at a time as we feel each other out but I got out of my own head and asked her out and by our 3rd date I asked her to be my girlfriend, the beginning was overall great.



Mental Health

So one of the first things she told me even prior to dating was her mental health, she is from a big family of all adopted children from the Midwest and then joined the navy. After years of service she was med boarded and has disability for anxiety, ptsd and depression. With the above including all of her past relationships were abusive physically, mentally or emotionally. I knew there was a lot with that and I didn't take it lightly but I admit I was naïve in the beginning as I truly didn't understand what she must go through. I thought if I was just good to her to the best of my ability we could make it work and she also said she was working on herself and on her healing journey.



Within the first 3 months I witnessed one of her episodes, we were at a museum that I used to go to as a child but I haven't been to in years and when we were trying to navigate the map I was confused and from those few seconds of confusion she just changed. She became furious I couldn't figure out the directions and started to berate me call me incompetent etc. I was dumbfounded and when she has these episodes I basically sum it up as nothing I do is right. If I defend myself she just gets angrier if I try to solve the issue she brings up how I should have prevented it from happening in the first place, if I get she says im shutting down like a child. So when she calms down or becomes grounded again she becomes embarrassed, profusely apologizing, and asking if I hate her or want to leave her. It took a while but around the 9 month period I started to understand her triggers and what sets her off and how to ground her when she starts to spiral I thought things would get better but there are other issues…

Self Sacrificing

So one thing I noticed about her in life and work is she lives based on a self-sacrificing lifestyle. She doesn't value herself and chooses to prioritize others wellbeing over her own. She gives money to her siblings who constantly need it and never sets boundaries with them. She takes on way too many tasks at work outside of her job and also picks up lazier employees slack until she burns herself out. She places her value on what she can do for others, when she's sick she will wear a mask to and try to push through to the point of coughing up blood or being out of breath. When I tell her to go home she refuses to listen and says she's fine and it takes the boss having to force her to go home to take care of herself. When she is home she will cry about how her not being able to work is letting everyone down to which I say "FUCK THE JOB prioritize you" the only way your letting everyone down is going to work sick and worrying everybody. Even when we were in the talking phase while explaining hobby's she told me she "I live for work and dread the weekends because then I'm alone and left to myself"



When she became overwhelmed with her family taking advantage of her, her service dog passing away and stretching herself thin she moved to my state on the east coast to get away from everything. She shut herself away and just worked while disassociating from the world.



Control Issues

So with everything above I slowly started seeing controlling behaviors from her strictly for me, she has her own system and methods of doing things that I had to learn, 6 months in I started learning the sweet understanding woman with similar values start to shed into showing me that she is still processing her own issues. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around her because I take her mental health seriously but it comes to a point that friends and family say her behavior around me she comes off more motherly than being a girlfriend. Things I do start to bother her like if I slide my feet walking on the carpet (the sound irritates her, so I stopped this), talking with my hands (she says it's a sign of a lack of confidence, I keep doing this because I can't control this and there's nothing wrong with it), the way I sip a straw (she says that it doesn't seem masculine enough). She tries to diagnose issues with me that are just problems in her head where all of the solutions are just me slowly changing everything about myself to appear "normal. She acts like there's one set way to do things and I'm not following properly. When I explain to her under her control I will become a husk of who I am and I wonder if she genuinely loves me because it seems like she's always trying to change me. She will get defensive but then later say she definitely loves me but these are things that will allow people to take me more seriously and not talk about me. I also believe this stems from her own insecurity and caring sooooo much about how other people think, feel and perceive about her. She acts in ways in public she believes people will perceive her in a proper light as normal and professional. When were home behind closed doors she's a fucking weirdo like me and I love that side of her where she unwinds and is just herself but she sees it as wrong so she only becomes that away from everyone and only shows it to me.

Cultural Divide & Friends

So I have a long term female friend of ten years Ive known in the military as a former supervisor that gave me the initial hook up to this job I currently am still at and even tried to force us together because she believed we'd be good together. My girlfriend resents her because she swears that there is a romantic tension between us or that im lying that ive only seen her as just a friend. She even says she has jealousy issues from her past relationships that included infidelity. But she swears she has no grudge or personal issue with this friend yet she gets bothered if she found out we even had a conversation and I didn't tell her. My friend can be a little messy wanting to know the ins an outs of whats going on in our relationship but that's on me to set that boundary. But outside of that shes harmless to the relationship yet my girlfriend truly believes she is a threat and could be the endpoint of us.



So on the cultural aspect me and my gf are both black, I was raised around this culture and while I I sometimes felt through my hobbys and interest I wasn't black enough I still understand from just who and what I was raised around. My girlfriend was raised by conservative Caucasian parents from the Midwest, shes dealt when many conflicts involving racism which was also a contributing factor to her moving to the east coast. But I bring it up in that she doesn't truly understand parts of just black culture and rather than try to so trys to apply her familys principles to mine and my friends and she ends up clashing with them.



Her family does everything scheduled , dinner at 5pm, clean up at 6pm, games at 7pm, 8pm bed time. Everything is orderly and scheduled. My family? We have a party at 6pm, everyone shows up at 8pm, we clean up after everyone leaves, we play games( sketch on game & wario wii u is a certified classic among my family) whenever we feel like it. To my girlfriend my family is chaos and rather than just listen to what I try to tell her about how they are she clashes with trying to match them with how her family values are which leads to the next big breaking point.



Mom

I love my mother but I also have a lot of issues with her, shes a strong, assertive, and controlling mother who I will just describe as very similar to Rochelle in the sitcom everybody hates Chris. I've had issues as an adult with my moms controlling ways and how she uses family tradition as methods for control and shes always gotten her way yet always comes off unsatisfied as if we don't do enough for her.



Her and my gf do not mesh at all, gf doesn't like the way mom is so controlling when were over her place and wants me to set boundaries with her, mom thinks girlfriend infantilizes me and treats me like a controlling mother. They have there differences but I tried to manage it as "Ill handle mom, don't put any power behind what she does or says. At the end of the day she doesn't pay my bills, doesn't control who I date or what I do at worst she just gives an opinion but just ignore it" but my girlfriend felt the issue was I need to confront her and put her in her place or else she'll run all over me. I feel im stuck between too that in a way just want to control me but for different reasons. But I agree with my gf, I need to confront my mom but you cant fight fire with fire with my mom I know how to communicate with her, I can set my own boundarys with who I am but I cant change her, no one can. But that wasn't good enough my girlfriend feels I need to have a Spartan level shakedown on my mother but its also hard for me as I was raised to fear her authority, my gf talked back to her mom, cursed her out, hung up on her when she was irritated, the way I was raised? I feared even thinking of doing any of those things with my mom. So the breaking point….

We moved in together

So Yeah I know how this looks but hear me out, after month 7 I reestablished my own boundaries, I communicated how I felt more often, I took control of her in case of any episodes but overall this was are best period up until the 11th month stretch. I believed we could manage ourselves, we both are headed into our mid 30s and we want to settle down. We were on good or neutral terms with family and friends so we decide to move in together. I was moving to her side of my state anyway as my commute top work was over an hour depending on traffic and I thought we were managing well. Plus I felt if we could make this work living together then we could make our future work to marriage. So we've been together less than a month and everything has started to crash, but not externally. Internally in me. I've been positive, I've wanted her to love life, give herself a break and give to herself because she always gives to others and because when me and her mesh we mesh. But it hasn't even been a month and I'm getting burned out.

1. Before moving in she would drink on Saturdays to unwind after work has stressed her out, I thought this was fine. But since moving in shes had a drink about every day after work. She only drinks the same whiskey that she feels is a "safe" alcohol. I start to realize she probably always drank during the week.
   
2. She constantly wants me to put up boundaries with my friend of ten years and my mother but they have to be the way she thinks the boundaries should be formed. I've known them longer and her method would have them isolate from me and cut them out of my life which is probably what she really wants. I have issues with my mom but nothing shes done in the span of this relationship was egregious enough that it would ruin it.
   
3. She doesn't listen to me, she hears but doesn't listen. I either have to do things her way and if I don't she perceives that is me not making her feel safe. When I had my birthday two weeks ago I told her originally I didn't want anything, she insisted so I said lets do a simple dinner with my family and then we'll do something we really want to do after. She disagreed saying we should have one big thing, next thing you know she invites a bunch of friends and acquaintances to a hibachi dinner. People I'm cool with but not enough to invite them all out. Then my friend she doesn't like she invited to try to show she has no grudge and that friend invited 7 more people of her own volition which enraged my gf who then blamed me for not setting boundaries with her when I never wanted this dinner anyway.
   
4. She was planning a apartment warming party inviting friends and family july 5th, my mother responds saying she will not attend but still loves us but she doesn't condone us living together without being married cuz of the bible. So I told my gf great now we don't have mom making things awkward let's move on. But gf was just obsessed with why my mom is like that and while drinking instead of just letting it go she sent and angry text to my mom basically saying that she's not backing down and if she doesn't accept her that's fine me and her will thrive and if she doesn't want to be involved then just stay at home. This resulted in my mom going in a full blown rage blowing up our phones, I ignored at first because I was playing MK World until heard my gf screaming in the bathroom having a panic attack yelling "sorry,sorry,sorry, you mom keeps calling idk what to do" so I call mom calm her down then all of us talk. Gf apologizes and tells my mom she respects her and her text was a misunderstanding and she was just overwhelmed with sending out invites. My mom just let her no she has nothing against her personally and that she just wont support anything celebrating things she doesn't agree with. She says it had nothing to do with my gf not being enough or her not liking her. So after the call gf stops her tears proudly saying she deescalated mom by apologizing and telling her she respects her by feeding her ego………she then said if mom doesn't want to be involved with us that's her loss……which is what I told her from the beginning but she decided to poke the bear.
   

So mom called me yesterday after work to say that she will need time away from my gf because she didn't believe her apology, doesn't trust her, and now she says at this moment she actively dislikes her and that she will be keeping her distance until the distance future or if her attitude improves with how she interprets things. My work friend also clashed with my gf who would find problems she had with my work friend and rather than confront her she would tell the boss though it was obvious my gf was the one reporting her. My work friend said she respects me but she's keeping her distance, my sister said unless its immediate family she wants nothing to do with our events or hanging out.



So last night I was at my lowest, I had a stressful moving process, my girlfriend has reset to being calm again but I can't keep doing this. I am drained, it shouldn't be this hard, I'm not perfect I make many mistakes but now the positive in me is dead, I can't enjoy my switch 2, I'm starting to want to stay away from home. Yet we have a dog, a new place and the July 5th party. I'm running on autopilot. I've tried so hard to understand her and be her safe place, her calm and at this point I don't have one for myself. She's not my safe place, she's isolating me from everyone and idk I'm just so tired

Imagine ignoring the one who gave birth to you over Mario Kart World and get emo about not able to enjoy Switch 2. 

[Orange Juice Box]

First, I must point out that that Excelciorf actually read the article this time.  People making fun of her for the past 5 years has gotten her to change her behavior. 

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-4th-estate-is-like-a-fucking-decaying-husk-man-mother-jones-journalist-does-puff-piece-on-an-80-year-old-trumper-and-demands-we-be-nice-on-bsky.1217973/#post-141442137

I unfollowed Mother Jones on bsky cause of this bullshit. Hope they're happy.

Who is this fucking for?

Deluded centrists

Mother Jones is still around?

The to right of Hasan.  Big Oof.  Are they scared this article will influence other 81 years old into voting for Trump again?




Are they scared this article will influence other 81 years old into voting for Trump again?

[DavidCroquet]

"she told me she was fucked up when I met her, and I thought, well, that shouldn't be a problem, right?"

We've all been there buddy.