Dumb news stories

[Potato]

I haven't read the article and I'm not going to, but this is the most The Guardian headline I've ever read since the last most The Guardian headline. 

Djungelskog the orangutan comforted Punch – but can the Ikea toy help me?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/feb/24/punch-monkey-djungelskog-ikea-toy

[HeavenIsAPlaceOnEarth]

Seeing Punch the monkey playing with a cute toy reminds us of ourselves, but it is worth remembering that he is a wild animal.

but it is worth remembering that he is a wild animal.

he is a wild animal.

I look forward to her article about how corporations aren't our friends.

[benji]

[benji]

[HeavenIsAPlaceOnEarth]

[benji]

[Potato]

Those people are gonna be lynched the first time they pull the ranch dressing out in Greece.

[Potato]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/mar/11/plant-based-foods-honest-meat-cow-muscle-eu-rules-ban-veggie

If plant-based foods must be more honest, let’s do the same for meat – fancy some ‘cow muscle’?

The Guardian opinion pieces are just 

[Uncle]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/mar/11/plant-based-foods-honest-meat-cow-muscle-eu-rules-ban-veggie

If plant-based foods must be more honest, let’s do the same for meat – fancy some ‘cow muscle’?

The Guardian opinion pieces are just 

Last week, European policymakers decided that plant-based foods should no longer be marketed with terms such as “chicken”, “bacon” or “steak”. The fear seems to be that shoppers might accidentally buy veggie bacon thinking it came from an actual pig. The change applies to the UK too, because of our trade agreement with Europe.

yes, correct, reasonable concern

If lawmakers want absolute transparency in food naming, then meat products could just as easily be required to use their literal descriptions. After all, beef steak is cow muscle. Pork chop is usually pig rib. Bacon is often salt-cured pig belly. Chicken nuggets? Formed chicken parts. And many sausages would require far less appetising names.

Sounds absurd? That’s precisely the point.

...but what are people buying by accident here? is there a single soul out there who thought they were buying beef steak but then were dismayed to find out they actually got cow muscle? beef steak means beef steak, there's no confusion there, but there is if you sell "vegan beef steak"

[HeavenIsAPlaceOnEarth]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/mar/11/plant-based-foods-honest-meat-cow-muscle-eu-rules-ban-veggie

If plant-based foods must be more honest, let’s do the same for meat – fancy some ‘cow muscle’?

The Guardian opinion pieces are just 

Last week, European policymakers decided that plant-based foods should no longer be marketed with terms such as “chicken”, “bacon” or “steak”. The fear seems to be that shoppers might accidentally buy veggie bacon thinking it came from an actual pig. The change applies to the UK too, because of our trade agreement with Europe.

yes, correct, reasonable concern

If lawmakers want absolute transparency in food naming, then meat products could just as easily be required to use their literal descriptions. After all, beef steak is cow muscle. Pork chop is usually pig rib. Bacon is often salt-cured pig belly. Chicken nuggets? Formed chicken parts. And many sausages would require far less appetising names.

Sounds absurd? That’s precisely the point.

...but what are people buying by accident here? is there a single soul out there who thought they were buying beef steak but then were dismayed to find out they actually got cow muscle? beef steak means beef steak, there's no confusion there, but there is if you sell "vegan beef steak"

From the comments:

I once bought a beefsteak mushroom burger at a restaurant and was disappointed to receive a large mushroom in a bun and for not very much less than an actual beefburgers. Upon closer inspection of the menu it did say mushroom in the description of the meal so my mistake, food should be labeled plainly with no misrepresentation at all and that's a general rule for meat or vegetables or protein slurry formed into dinosaur shapes, but that's another hornets nest there.

[Potato]

The only thing more retarded than The Guardian opinion writers is the people who comment on the articles.

[benji]

Meanwhile, in America:

[Potato]

How did that even get in front of a judge?

[benji]

It's the first step, a judge reviews if the lawsuit even has a basis. It sounds like the guy may be a vexatious litigant, he also sued Walmart for $10 million for not letting him do something on their free wifi.

[Potato]

Germans, being arseholes?

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.fox5dc.com/news/dayton-webber-amputee-cornhole-player-accused-murder

LA PLATA, Md. - A professional cornhole player with no arms and legs has been accused of murder in La Plata.

[Potato]

That might just win the thread

What we don't know:
Police have not explained how Webber, a quadruple amputee, was able to drive a car or fire a weapon. 

"It’s early in the investigation, but there’s no evidence to suggest anyone else was involved in the shooting and that he acted alone," said Diane Richardson, Charles County Sheriff's Office.

Videos posted to social media do appear to show Webber shooting rifles and 9mm handguns. 

https://youtube.com/shorts/0QmPjTkX70Q?si=cfWnuc9_CSh5IMXn

[filler]

how do they administer the lethal injection 

[Hap Shaughnessy]

At least he's not named Matt.

[benji]