Journal of Other Forum Analysis (Volume II, Issue 2)

[D3RANG3D]

 
 

Ain't this kind of a self own...I mean us being an audience of eight...to his usual one or two likes...?

[Vertigo]

Hasan should be everything a Reee poster hates. A rich kid bro cosplaying as a 'revolutionary' complete with mansion who shocks his dog to teach it to 'behave'

[benji]

 
 

Ain't this kind of a self own...I mean us being an audience of eight...to his usual one or two likes...?

He's not talking about us, he's bragging about how he's in that group chat mocking other people's tweets.

[D3RANG3D]

Yeah I guess I misread that...

[Let's Cyber]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-game-business-playstations-head-of-third-party-there-are-no-dire-times-for-the-games-industry-ahead-very-smart-decisions-are-being-made.1518127/

"Excuse me sir, the sky is falling and has been falling for quite some time. Get this positive shit out of here! "



I think era's been predicting a recession for like 5 years straight. They so badly wanted it to happen under Biden's watch, too.

[Orange Juice Box]

Yeah I guess I misread that...

Sempai . . . did not notice us.  

[malfoyking]

 
 

Why does he always talk like he's some big shot?

[benji]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-game-business-playstations-head-of-third-party-there-are-no-dire-times-for-the-games-industry-ahead-very-smart-decisions-are-being-made.1518127/

I think era's been predicting a recession for like 5 years straight. They so badly wanted it to happen under Biden's watch, too.

I seriously think they've been saying there's another "video game crash" coming any day now for a decade at this point. I have absolutely zero clue what they base this on other than perpetual doomerism. Just Nintendo's yearly revenue is larger than the entire game industry was back then.

[Greatness Gone]

Dr. JJ 

[simiansmarts]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-game-business-playstations-head-of-third-party-there-are-no-dire-times-for-the-games-industry-ahead-very-smart-decisions-are-being-made.1518127/

I think era's been predicting a recession for like 5 years straight. They so badly wanted it to happen under Biden's watch, too.

I seriously think they've been saying there's another "video game crash" coming any day now for a decade at this point. I have absolutely zero clue what they base this on other than perpetual doomerism. Just Nintendo's yearly revenue is larger than the entire game industry was back then.

No, it's because developers don't make the exact kind of games that I liked as a kid any more (PS2 turn-based RPGs) therefore the game industry has fallen and billions must be fired. CRASH NOW DAMN IT!!! 
 

[Greatness Gone]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-game-business-playstations-head-of-third-party-there-are-no-dire-times-for-the-games-industry-ahead-very-smart-decisions-are-being-made.1518127/

I think era's been predicting a recession for like 5 years straight. They so badly wanted it to happen under Biden's watch, too.

I seriously think they've been saying there's another "video game crash" coming any day now for a decade at this point. I have absolutely zero clue what they base this on other than perpetual doomerism. Just Nintendo's yearly revenue is larger than the entire game industry was back then.

No, it's because developers don't make the exact kind of games that I liked as a kid any more (PS2 turn-based RPGs) therefore the game industry has fallen and billions must be fired. CRASH NOW DAMN IT!!! 
 

This but unironically. Where the fuck is Shadow Hearts 4

[Taco Bell Tower]

[VGC] Tekken boss Katsuhiro Harada has joined SNK

In an announcement published on Tuesday, Harada confirmed the formation of 'SNK VS Studio' in Shinagawa, Tokyo, where he will act as CEO.

According to Harada, the 'VS' in VS Studio's name holds various meanings, including "Video game Soft (VS Development Division)," and "the spirit of 'Versus' challenging tradition".

That sweet sweet blood money

Yuck

Ewwww

Dirty money too enticing.

Hope you fail, Harada!

Bingo. If shit goes south we know it's on Harada

I guess everyone does have a price.

Maybe we won't get someone accused of SA as a guest character!

But given who owns SNK, I'm doubtful.

Is he gonna openly mock the people rightfully calling him out for being in bed with the Saudis?

Couldn't resist that Saudi money I see.

Heel turn of the decade

Gross

Disgusting. But I guess blood money talks.

Gross as fuck.

fuck this dude.

Dude could've ended his career on a stellar note, even if Tekken 8 is a bit controversial.

Instead he joins SNK to probably make a shitty game and then shut its doors.

Real mashima move.

Enjoy babysitting royalty. Already pander to it so it should be a nice side course for Harada to munch on while he shits his Depends.

damn what a pathetic loser he turned out to be

Wow, for a brief eclipse, I forgot just how negative Era would be. 

Meanwhile in Capcom news
https://www.gamesindustry.biz/crown-prince-of-saudi-arabias-electronic-gaming-development-company-acquires-5-stake-in-capcom

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-rise-of-online-cruelty-by-ben-hoerman.1517761/

[benji]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-rise-of-online-cruelty-by-ben-hoerman.1517761/

5:00 Hasan Piker in Cuba: "On a larger scale, this gets particularly frustrating when drama overshadows real life tragedies. Large tragedies being turned into content farmed for online drama. Like in Cuba, doctors are manually operating ventilators in order to keep babies alive. And all online people care about is a rich socialist staying at a five-star hotel in Cuba. Like, do you hear yourself? Children are being murdered with your tax money by a pedophile rapist president. You privileged cancelling woke moralists. I don't care who delivers help. They need help. Where is Mr. Beast? I truly believe that most of them aren't doing this with a calculated cold-hearted motive. I believe they are so hyper online that they simply cannot fathom real life suffering anymore. Content demons. It's become physically impossible for them to show empathy anymore. If that's not the case, there can only be one other reason why you would focus on a meaningless drama online instead of real life suffering."

What did I miss here about his Cuba trip? Why is he using Jordan Peterson language ("up yours, woke moralists")? I think I get the point about the audience not caring about real suffering in Cuba (although he doesn't bring up the 6 decades of blockades leading to the suffering), but he shares an AI-generated picture by a random white supremacist Twitter user and not real person (profile bio: A proud white man and a proud American" with an AI-generated profile pic) of Hasan faking to care whilst he's at an influencer concert at a 5 star hotel. I don't know if that happened, I haven't checked.



I'll try to watch the rest, but this gave me pause.

This mans stupidity needs to be studied.

[benji]

Bigots have gotten really good at infiltrating social media as well as YouTube and Reddit. I see people downplay this far too often but it's bleak out there.

Really good at "infiltrating" places anyone can sign up for.

I think it has more to do with, being shitty without the consequences and more often than not being rewarded instead, part of our culture that's changed.

It's not just the internet that's gotten worse, it's just people in general.

They really long for the good old days when women and minorities knew their place when they talk about these topics.

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/trump-americans-financial-situation-i-dont-think-about-anybody-i-think-about-one-thing-we-cannot-let-iran-have-a-nuclear-weapon-thats-all.1518094/page-3#post-154893229

I don't agree with nuclear proliferation in a vacuum and would much prefer a world with no nukes. However, we don't live in a vacuum and I ultimately want the West to get out of the Global South and stop trampling on the autonomy of other countries and the environment for personal gain for the capitalist class. If Global South countries decide to pursue nuclear armament to achieve that autonomy, so be it at this point. I'm not afraid of a nuclear Iran. Ultimately, if we want a nuclear-less world, then we need to fight against the class of folks constantly pushing the world to the breaking point in the first place. Capitalism and imperialism need to go before we can think of mutual disarmament.

Honestly, there's no universe where more nations getting nukes is anything but incredibly dangerous. Stopping more nations from getting nukes is not something that can wait for us to dismantle capitalism. The more nations have nukes, the more at risk we all are. The only good number of nations with nukes is zero. That's what we should be pushing for.

[HaughtyFrank]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-rise-of-online-cruelty-by-ben-hoerman.1517761/

5:00 Hasan Piker in Cuba: "On a larger scale, this gets particularly frustrating when drama overshadows real life tragedies. Large tragedies being turned into content farmed for online drama. Like in Cuba, doctors are manually operating ventilators in order to keep babies alive. And all online people care about is a rich socialist staying at a five-star hotel in Cuba. Like, do you hear yourself? Children are being murdered with your tax money by a pedophile rapist president. You privileged cancelling woke moralists. I don't care who delivers help. They need help. Where is Mr. Beast? I truly believe that most of them aren't doing this with a calculated cold-hearted motive. I believe they are so hyper online that they simply cannot fathom real life suffering anymore. Content demons. It's become physically impossible for them to show empathy anymore. If that's not the case, there can only be one other reason why you would focus on a meaningless drama online instead of real life suffering."

What did I miss here about his Cuba trip? Why is he using Jordan Peterson language ("up yours, woke moralists")? I think I get the point about the audience not caring about real suffering in Cuba (although he doesn't bring up the 6 decades of blockades leading to the suffering), but he shares an AI-generated picture by a random white supremacist Twitter user and not real person (profile bio: A proud white man and a proud American" with an AI-generated profile pic) of Hasan faking to care whilst he's at an influencer concert at a 5 star hotel. I don't know if that happened, I haven't checked.



I'll try to watch the rest, but this gave me pause.

This mans stupidity needs to be studied.

I don't even know where I'd start to correct him. Just on a completely different plane of perception. Like he thinks the video endorses the tweet?

Edit: Everyone in the thread ignoring him 

[killamajig]

[who is ted danson?]

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/4gamer-marvel-t%C5%8Dkons-episode-mode-has-no-actual-gameplay-is-basically-a-series-of-motion-comics-10-hours-total-with-dualsense-haptics.1518031/#post-154886581
Comediansmasher

And there we go. Absolutely no reason to buy the game at launch now. Thanks for saving me some money, 4Gamer.

Not like you were gonna buy or play it 

[Greatness Gone]

Playing fighting games only for single player content makes you a massive pussy anyway. 

Take them skillz online and git gud breh 

[simiansmarts]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/4gamer-marvel-t%C5%8Dkons-episode-mode-has-no-actual-gameplay-is-basically-a-series-of-motion-comics-10-hours-total-with-dualsense-haptics.1518031/#post-154886581
Comediansmasher

And there we go. Absolutely no reason to buy the game at launch now. Thanks for saving me some money, 4Gamer.

Not like you were gonna buy or play it 

PSmasher would do self-harm if he went online in any fighting game.

[TylenolJones]

I'm just curious, so if this is none of my beeswax than feel free to tell me to pound salt but I'm just wondering why you say you "shouldn't" date ever?

Well, I'm disabled (high-functioning autism, or whatever you call it these days), heavily sex-repulsed, asexual, and don't want kids. And I'm unwilling to accommodate a partner who wants sex or kids (maybe if we were much older and their kids were all grown up, I'd be flexible on the existing kids thing). So that heavily tanks my chances there. There's also the fact that I've never had any real desires for a real person beyond passing fancies and fantasies (only know I'm not aromantic due to having some fictional "waifus" (I'm heteromantic, which also hurts my chances) and thoughts and desires in my head about having a relationship). There's also my personal failures like being broke, lazy, fat, ugly, stupid, uncharismatic, usive, abusive, depressed, a shit person, etc. I'm also past prime desirability (in my early 30s) and have no real prior experience, so me thinking about relationships at this point is essentially childish.

A few women have expressed interest in me (mostly online in dedicated ace dating spaces), but I don't know what they even saw in me. I never feel like I know any of the gals on these places enough to actually want to pursue them. I liked to do a "screening and building rapport" phase before actually trying to go further, since I think a good relationship needs a solid friendship behind it as well (we wouldn't have gotten to that in a short amount of time, but even an acquaintanceship before actually dating would be better than nothing). I also just felt like a creep going over these women's profiles. And I might just be. And even if I wasn't they might think that anyways. By removing myself from the dating pool, I allow those other women that little extra chance they can actually find a decent person.

Relationships, from what I have seen and heard from others, also seem very cutthroat and generally flawed. Happy relationships can and do exist, but they seem to be the exception to the rule. At least, until people date many people to find someone that works for them. I hold no illusions that I'll ever get a healthy one. Especially with how many people seem to bitch about their relationships. I'm already low on the totem pole. Outside normal peoples' desirabilities. Maybe if I wasn't asexual, there'd be some chance I could find someone after a long time searching. But since sex seems to be the most important factor for most people for a relationship, yeah...

There's also trauma from growing up. When I was young, my parents seemed to try ship me near every gal my age. Shit might be just annoying for some, but it was traumatizing for me. Felt like I couldn't talk to gals my age without my parents trying to ship me. I came to calling myself asexual on my own (before I knew it was a thing), and then hoarded calling myself aro when I learned what it was (to be fair, I've always had low romantic drives, I suppose. But even growing up, I think in hindsight I had my thoughts and feelings. And my "waifus". Hell, I even had a preschool "girlfriend") Then came my parents' divorce. It was almost entirely my dad's fault and he's now the worst person I personally know (there's worse, but I don't personally know Trump, for instance). It didn't help my view of relationships and the drama and trauma a failed one could bring. Even with my mom's stable and working relationship with my stepdad, yeah. Not every relationship can be like their's. And of my biological parents, my mom was the greater "offender" with "shipping me with other gals my age". She's calmed down now and took the time I came out to her about my specifics well. And she's honored my requests to not talk about it if I don't want to (I've never talked to her about it again.). Still, she bothers my younger siblings with the "shipping" so she's not entirely learned her lesson...

The one time I kind of tried dating was in 2024 when I talking to some gal and in my "screening" phase (I'm upfront with that). She had her problems and mental issues, but I don't think I made it worse (I'll never know, for reasons I'll say shortly). And she sent some red flags, which she was aware of "love bombing". Well, eventually, she ghosted me some day after a month of not talking to me (she said she needed some time to herself, which I obliged). She never told me why and I didn't care enough to "hunt" her down. When we were talking, she'd keep asking if I was annoyed or angry at her. I wasn't until she ghosted me. And even then, I'm not really that angry or upset at her. More just annoyed. I don't wish to talk to her again, but I wish her the best in life. In retrospect, I don't think it ever would have worked and wouldn't have been a good fit, but that "farce" of sorts was a bit depressing. And likely to happen again if I try again.

In summation, a combination of me being a shit person, extremely low desirability, having a niche orientation, trauma, other people having terrible experiences, a failed attempt, and more are reasons I shouldn't date. I'd put my desirability around MAGAs and incels, even though I'm neither. I have a battle in my brain between sides that want a relationship and those that don't (for whatever reason). The "pro-relationship" side used to give me lots of mental pain for saying never, but, while it still does, years of attacking it and out-logic-ing it have eased those punishments (though that battle in of itself has caused trauma). It still thinks that a forever single life seems kind of boring and pointless. But when I'm such a terrible person and the odds massively stacked against me and so much trauma, what's the point? Others can live single just fine (which I'm kind of envious of, even if I'm single and can handle being single, just part of my mind would like a relationship), why not me?

https://www.resetera.com/threads/dating-has-gotten-so-expensive-that-nearly-half-of-u-s-singles-say-it’s-no-longer-worth-it-as-the-average-night-out-approaches-200.1518157/page-5#post-154896214

[simiansmarts]

Well, I'm disabled (high-functioning autism, or whatever you call it these days), heavily sex-repulsed, asexual, and don't want kids.

 
 
incel but woke

[Let's Cyber]

There's also my personal failures like being broke, lazy, fat, ugly, stupid, uncharismatic, usive, abusive, depressed, a shit person, etc. I'm also past prime desirability (in my early 30s) and have no real prior experience, so me thinking about relationships at this point is essentially childish.

 

But when I'm such a terrible person and the odds massively stacked against me and so much trauma, what's the point?

Big Kevin Cow vibes here, covert narcissists.

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/time-inside-the-odyssey-christopher-nolans-most-epic-movie-yet-lupita-nyongo-to-play-both-helen-and-clytemnestra.1517494/page-2#post-154896568

I'm not singling out Lupita cause she's a great actress, and the cast is clearly international overall. But I am curious why this whole cast isn't considered Greek erasure. Hollywood rarely authentically casts Greek mythological stories with actual Greek actors.

It feels like the Hollywood selectively decides which cultures require authenticity in casting and which ones don't, usually based on what will or won't generate backlash. Have a backbone or not. Matt Damon is so innately Boston to me lol it's hard to make that leap of faith.

Edit:
https://www.resetera.com/threads/time-inside-the-odyssey-christopher-nolans-most-epic-movie-yet-lupita-nyongo-to-play-both-helen-and-clytemnestra.1517494/page-2#post-154897282

Greek culture has a very long history of being co-opted while also downplaying the actual Greeks (and/or Greek speakers) themselves. YOUR culture/history? Uh. Sorry. Thats EUROPE'S cultural history. And coincidentally that means we don't actually have to have any Greeks in the cast (or even Mediterranean people!)

How much Greek (or Roman) centered media even bothers to cast ANYONE from southern Europe?

[Greatness Gone]

based off the trailer all the casting is off for the movie if you ask me (regardless of race). it’s like a casting director just pulled names out of hat and went with whoever

[Hap Shaughnessy]

I'm just curious, so if this is none of my beeswax than feel free to tell me to pound salt but I'm just wondering why you say you "shouldn't" date ever?

Well, I'm disabled (high-functioning autism, or whatever you call it these days), heavily sex-repulsed, asexual, and don't want kids. And I'm unwilling to accommodate a partner who wants sex or kids (maybe if we were much older and their kids were all grown up, I'd be flexible on the existing kids thing). So that heavily tanks my chances there. There's also the fact that I've never had any real desires for a real person beyond passing fancies and fantasies (only know I'm not aromantic due to having some fictional "waifus" (I'm heteromantic, which also hurts my chances) and thoughts and desires in my head about having a relationship). There's also my personal failures like being broke, lazy, fat, ugly, stupid, uncharismatic, usive, abusive, depressed, a shit person, etc. I'm also past prime desirability (in my early 30s) and have no real prior experience, so me thinking about relationships at this point is essentially childish.

A few women have expressed interest in me (mostly online in dedicated ace dating spaces), but I don't know what they even saw in me. I never feel like I know any of the gals on these places enough to actually want to pursue them. I liked to do a "screening and building rapport" phase before actually trying to go further, since I think a good relationship needs a solid friendship behind it as well (we wouldn't have gotten to that in a short amount of time, but even an acquaintanceship before actually dating would be better than nothing). I also just felt like a creep going over these women's profiles. And I might just be. And even if I wasn't they might think that anyways. By removing myself from the dating pool, I allow those other women that little extra chance they can actually find a decent person.

Relationships, from what I have seen and heard from others, also seem very cutthroat and generally flawed. Happy relationships can and do exist, but they seem to be the exception to the rule. At least, until people date many people to find someone that works for them. I hold no illusions that I'll ever get a healthy one. Especially with how many people seem to bitch about their relationships. I'm already low on the totem pole. Outside normal peoples' desirabilities. Maybe if I wasn't asexual, there'd be some chance I could find someone after a long time searching. But since sex seems to be the most important factor for most people for a relationship, yeah...

There's also trauma from growing up. When I was young, my parents seemed to try ship me near every gal my age. Shit might be just annoying for some, but it was traumatizing for me. Felt like I couldn't talk to gals my age without my parents trying to ship me. I came to calling myself asexual on my own (before I knew it was a thing), and then hoarded calling myself aro when I learned what it was (to be fair, I've always had low romantic drives, I suppose. But even growing up, I think in hindsight I had my thoughts and feelings. And my "waifus". Hell, I even had a preschool "girlfriend") Then came my parents' divorce. It was almost entirely my dad's fault and he's now the worst person I personally know (there's worse, but I don't personally know Trump, for instance). It didn't help my view of relationships and the drama and trauma a failed one could bring. Even with my mom's stable and working relationship with my stepdad, yeah. Not every relationship can be like their's. And of my biological parents, my mom was the greater "offender" with "shipping me with other gals my age". She's calmed down now and took the time I came out to her about my specifics well. And she's honored my requests to not talk about it if I don't want to (I've never talked to her about it again.). Still, she bothers my younger siblings with the "shipping" so she's not entirely learned her lesson...

The one time I kind of tried dating was in 2024 when I talking to some gal and in my "screening" phase (I'm upfront with that). She had her problems and mental issues, but I don't think I made it worse (I'll never know, for reasons I'll say shortly). And she sent some red flags, which she was aware of "love bombing". Well, eventually, she ghosted me some day after a month of not talking to me (she said she needed some time to herself, which I obliged). She never told me why and I didn't care enough to "hunt" her down. When we were talking, she'd keep asking if I was annoyed or angry at her. I wasn't until she ghosted me. And even then, I'm not really that angry or upset at her. More just annoyed. I don't wish to talk to her again, but I wish her the best in life. In retrospect, I don't think it ever would have worked and wouldn't have been a good fit, but that "farce" of sorts was a bit depressing. And likely to happen again if I try again.

In summation, a combination of me being a shit person, extremely low desirability, having a niche orientation, trauma, other people having terrible experiences, a failed attempt, and more are reasons I shouldn't date. I'd put my desirability around MAGAs and incels, even though I'm neither. I have a battle in my brain between sides that want a relationship and those that don't (for whatever reason). The "pro-relationship" side used to give me lots of mental pain for saying never, but, while it still does, years of attacking it and out-logic-ing it have eased those punishments (though that battle in of itself has caused trauma). It still thinks that a forever single life seems kind of boring and pointless. But when I'm such a terrible person and the odds massively stacked against me and so much trauma, what's the point? Others can live single just fine (which I'm kind of envious of, even if I'm single and can handle being single, just part of my mind would like a relationship), why not me?

https://www.resetera.com/threads/dating-has-gotten-so-expensive-that-nearly-half-of-u-s-singles-say-it’s-no-longer-worth-it-as-the-average-night-out-approaches-200.1518157/page-5#post-154896214

Member only:
https://www.resetera.com/threads/mental-health-era-ot2-community-and-understanding.95803/page-96#post-154769833

I'm some fucking shithead that is in the running for one of the worst humans to ever exist (like, on the level of Trump, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Leopold 2, Putin, Netanyahu, the Kims etc.). I am so utterly, completely dogshit with basically nothing to offer. I'm stupid; a failure; usive, abusive; broke; uncharismatic; don't do anything meaningful better than anyone else; fat; disabled; broke; skilless; a pariah; a cretin; a coward; lazy; picky; useless; imperfect; and so much more. I ruin social relationships all the fucking time with my own actions. I have achieved essentially nothing with my life when you're expected to have it all figured by 18 and it feels like basically everyone else is instantly successful. I punish myself for my shittiness, but it's never enough. And I'd think that people would love me self-bashing myself, yet for some reason, 99% of people dislike it. Despite my shittiness; despite the world being filled with cruel and sadistic people; despite people loving it in middle school... am I just not finding the right people? Why do people not appreciate me bringing justice to myself when no one else will?

I also struggle at times if wondering if the far right is "correct". I have little confidence and self-esteem and they sound "smart" and confident. Plus they just hate me for being me. Nothing I can do will ever be good for them for my innate traits (being autistic and asexual in this case), so I guess it's kind of validating to know that there's people who avoid the same tired optimistic platitudes about me ("you have 'value'", "you're too hard on yourself", and other crap I've heard a million times). They'd be willing to torture me for my failures and maybe even kill me. Yet I never hang around them. I'm scared of them and they're quite frankly otherwise generally disgusting. Yet I'm just so damned bad and there's not enough justice being done against me that, yeah. Plus they already won in the US and run the country... little I can do against them at this point. The world they seek sounds awful and boring, with the added caveat that they would never accept me (like it would turn out well even if they did... fascists eat themselves... it's a part of their ideology).

I keep hoping that my self-hatred will bear better fruit. That someone will actually like it (some do agree with my points about myself, at least). Yeah, I've destroyed so many relationships over it; tormented myself endlessly (though it's on and off at times... I still need some neutrality to get things done); have had depression since I was very young; etc. But I have to bring justice to an otherwise innately horrible human being (and I hold hypocritical double standards against myself to hate myself more... I'm not usually so harsh on myself). And any time I've tried "optimism", it's blown up in my face and I had my normal beliefs about myself reaffirmed. But when will others like me for my self-torment?

[D3RANG3D]

[simiansmarts]

Member only:
https://www.resetera.com/threads/mental-health-era-ot2-community-and-understanding.95803/page-96#post-154769833

I'm some fucking shithead that is in the running for one of the worst humans to ever exist (like, on the level of Trump, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Leopold 2, Putin, Netanyahu, the Kims etc.). I am so utterly, completely dogshit with basically nothing to offer. I'm stupid; a failure; usive, abusive; broke; uncharismatic; don't do anything meaningful better than anyone else; fat; disabled; broke; skilless; a pariah; a cretin; a coward; lazy; picky; useless; imperfect; and so much more. I ruin social relationships all the fucking time with my own actions. I have achieved essentially nothing with my life when you're expected to have it all figured by 18 and it feels like basically everyone else is instantly successful. I punish myself for my shittiness, but it's never enough. And I'd think that people would love me self-bashing myself, yet for some reason, 99% of people dislike it. Despite my shittiness; despite the world being filled with cruel and sadistic people; despite people loving it in middle school... am I just not finding the right people? Why do people not appreciate me bringing justice to myself when no one else will?

I also struggle at times if wondering if the far right is "correct". I have little confidence and self-esteem and they sound "smart" and confident. Plus they just hate me for being me. Nothing I can do will ever be good for them for my innate traits (being autistic and asexual in this case), so I guess it's kind of validating to know that there's people who avoid the same tired optimistic platitudes about me ("you have 'value'", "you're too hard on yourself", and other crap I've heard a million times). They'd be willing to torture me for my failures and maybe even kill me. Yet I never hang around them. I'm scared of them and they're quite frankly otherwise generally disgusting. Yet I'm just so damned bad and there's not enough justice being done against me that, yeah. Plus they already won in the US and run the country... little I can do against them at this point. The world they seek sounds awful and boring, with the added caveat that they would never accept me (like it would turn out well even if they did... fascists eat themselves... it's a part of their ideology).

I keep hoping that my self-hatred will bear better fruit. That someone will actually like it (some do agree with my points about myself, at least). Yeah, I've destroyed so many relationships over it; tormented myself endlessly (though it's on and off at times... I still need some neutrality to get things done); have had depression since I was very young; etc. But I have to bring justice to an otherwise innately horrible human being (and I hold hypocritical double standards against myself to hate myself more... I'm not usually so harsh on myself). And any time I've tried "optimism", it's blown up in my face and I had my normal beliefs about myself reaffirmed. But when will others like me for my self-torment?

he sounds like the woke version of hoemath   
 
 
 
I never understood these types who complain that they're life failures with no motivation but put all their effort into massive autistic screeds and manifestos about how they can't do anything.