Journal of Other Forum Analysis (Volume II, Issue 1)

[Besticus Maximus]

Where are all the Nepenthe election posts? I mean she is after all the godhead of morality and politics, surely she has some sort of opinion on how things are, how they're likely to go, what it all means, that kind of thing  

[DavidCroquet]

"...in my species asshole" is a double entendre if I've ever heard one.

[MMaRsu]

Jesus christ some people are weird as fuck.

Especially furries

[killamajig]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/2024-u-s-presidential-house-senate-elections-were-not-going-back.1026573/post-131188137

plagiarize
Khive rise up
Moderator
They/Them

Spits out a bunch of tea leaves.

Fuck I hate it when the bag bursts.

Anyways... goes back to throwing chicken bones around.

[books]

Nep gonna be mad if Kamala wins cuz she's not black enough. Self hatred sucks.

[Steven Snell]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/a24%E2%80%99s-timoth%C3%A9e-chalamet-ping-pong-movie-%E2%80%98marty-supreme%E2%80%99-will-be-its-joint-biggest-to-date.1028145/#post-131191575

So what with Kyuuji's obsession with Timotheé Chalamet?

[karambollostpassword]

So this is going to be a very long post, with lots to read. But it's worth it because this is one of the best uses of the   meme I've seen in a while.


Tl;dr: The OP, TeaBerryShark, posts a sad thread about his relationship ending and his ex completely ghosting him. 

Trans dude Moogles (who very much used to be a man during the NeoGAF days, and now identifies as a woman) mid-way through derails the thread, insults the OP, decides to make it all about himself and how 'as a woman' he feels unsafe because of OP as he gets into a slapfight with a different member, LaoJim.

Moogles then proceeds to hurl lots of insults around. I'm pretty sure LaoJim's gonna cop a ban. This is the thread:

https://www.resetera.com/threads/i-need-some-help-some-clarity%E2%80%A6-relationship-related.1027488/

I totally feel for the OP and feel very, very sorry for him. I have no criticisms of his actions. We're all largely dudes here on TheBore and almost all of us have been in at least one relationship which has ended abruptly and all we're left with is the question 'Why, why, why?', waiting for answers that will never come:

So I made a post about this situation previously but TLDR: my girlfriend whom I'd been with for 7 years and lived with for 6 of those, blindsided me with a break up and a discard and ghosted me. This has been a complete and utter shock to me bc our relationship felt strong and I thought we were soulmates. Just the days before the sudden split she was telling me how much she loved me and how great I was and we were in the planning stages of our wedding.

Anyway, it's been just a bit over 2 months since and I can't let go. I just can't. No matter how hard I try and I've tried everything. I've blocked or been blocked on all socials, I've hidden all her pictures from myself, I've attempted no contacted about a dozen times but keep breaking it bc I'm weak and waves of grief wash over me and I break it. And the worst part is she doesn't respond most of the time…

It just consumes me, no matter what I do I can't stop hurting, I can't stop missing her, I can't stop thinking about her. Yes I'm seeing a therapist too but nothing is working for me.

I'm so sad. I just know that deep down we are meant to be together and I can't understand why this is happening. This is the worst grief I've ever experienced and I'm in my 40s, I've lost damn near everyone I've ever cared about and am honestly completely alone.

But she promised me she felt the same. That we were forever, that she'd never leave… and we never had any actual issues in the relationship, we were best friends, she was everything man :( I don't know how to cope and it makes me not even want to walk the earth anymore without her. Now I'm not saying I'm suicidal I just don't want this life anymore I just don't. It's so pale and empty now and just full of grief and loneliness.

Do you guys have any good advice for someone like me?

Before anyone asks, the worst I've done is text her. I try really hard to respect her boundaries otherwise and I don't show up unannounced to her home or anything like that. I'm outta my mind and consumed with grief every second of the day but I'm still, I think, a decent person.

As you can see, OP taking it very hard.

The next 20-30 posts are various repetitions of 'Go no-contact, it'll be hard, you'll get over it, etc..' until LaoJin pops up with this. Personally, I think most of his advice is sound, if unachievable.

I mostly lurk here these days, but I'm going to log in and answer it because I don't think the majority of the responses here are on target. Yes, going no contact will be a step soon, but not yet. I'm going to assume that you are on the level with what you've said - there are always two sides to every story, but I'm trusting you haven't misrepresented anything.

If so, you have been incredibly badly treated and you have a right to feel angry. You don't want that anger to consume you, but it is justified. If she doesn't want to marry you, that is ultimately her decision, but this isn't someone blowing you off after a couple of dates - you've basically spent your thirties - prime settling down time - together and now she's left you partnerless staring down your forties. Imagine soon you do start dating again, when it comes to talking about this relationship, what are you going to say. Saying she just upped and left is going to look for all the world like you are hiding something, however honestly you present it.

People are talking about not getting a restraining order. I agree, there are lines that you don't want to cross and you don't want to get in a confrontation or a stalker situation. Still there must be someone who can act as a go-between - a mother, a sister, a best friend. Ask to meet with them or have a phone call, explain that the way you have been treated is in no way acceptable and ask for a Dear John letter - at least 500 words of semi-coherent explanation of why she thought she could marry you and why she now can't. That is the absolutely minimum you are owed*. Be calm and be respectful of the other person, but then confirm if they've passed your message on. If they have and the answer is no...well then. Even once you've processed your grief, you are entitled to regard her as a horrible human being and you are perfectly free to express that lingering anger (calmly and reasonably) to anyone you meet including any future boyfriends (who you shouldn't seek out, but who arguably deserve to know)

Assuming you get that letter (or oral equivalent) then, however badly she expresses herself or however little it makes sense, then, yes, draw a line under the relationship, go no-contact and move on.

It's entirely possible that years from now she will seek you out, sit you down and express regret for everything. If so, listen respectfully and thank her. But I wouldn't count on it.

The 'Dear John' letter idea is ridiculous and never going to happen. I don't agree with 'meeting her future boyfriends' either but, ehh... women do this all the time on the relationship subreddits. Meeting new girlfriends of their former boyfriends to let them know what they're like.

However, trans-woman Moogle, deciding upon himself to be the sole vocal representative of the entire female race, takes offence:

You should've stayed logged out. Men like you make me feel unsafe.

LaoJim responds:

Good grief. Asking her mother if he could just have a little more clarity isn't unsafe behaviour.

Moogle responds back... with lots of generalisations...

You can try to pretty it up all you want, your disdain for women is writ plain. It is not any woman's responsibility to ensure men will remain partnered in their 40s. It is not reasonable behaviour to continue contacting anyone who does not want to talk to you, and that includes using other people as a proxy. And men in particular need to acknowledge the power they have in such a situation where the stalking of women and girls is both rampant and not taken seriously as dangerous behaviour and domestic abuse (as you are demonstrating by repeatedly downplaying how invasive it actually is to get other people involved in forcing communication.) Yes it is unsafe. OP has already stated he's contacted her "about a dozen times" which is already concerning enough. It is also a bad perspective to insist OP needs to feel wronged and encouraging him to hate his ex for leaving (hate her but also keep reaching out to her... toxic AF)
Your baseless speculation that she'll go around telling lies about him and giving a bad reputation for no reason is some aggrieved male 'women are liars' shit.

Men on this forum are entirely too comfortable in assuming they are in like-minded company and airing out their sexism in every relationship thread. They are probably the real dodged bullets they love talking about so much.

LaoJim justifies his comments:

You are unnecessarily gendering this. Nothing in my response would be different if the genders were swapped or for any stamp of LGBT+ relationship.

I don't accept that the speculation about lying is baseless. She obviously didn't think enough of the OP to explain her reasons for leaving despite being aware that he loved her and her at least saying the words I love you to him. This is sociopathic behaviour.

They were in a relationship for seven years. He presumably has a relationship with other family members. It is not unreasonable to reach out to them and consult with them, especially as their daughter/sister is behaving unreasonably. The thing is, years ago, a Dear John letter was considered the coward's way out (totally understandable if the leaving partner felt worried for their safety). Simply not saying anything at all is beyond the pale. If I left my wife (or at an equivalent stage in the relationship my girlfriend) without warning and with no explanation, you can bet my father, mother and sister would intervene on her behalf to at least get some kind of response from me and pretty sharply too.

Of course, if he gets a message back from the family that 'she doesn't want to talk to you because she fears for her safety' then the OP would have some serious soul-searching to do.

The OP has feelings, has been wronged and the idea that they can't do anything except go totally no-contact because it might be considered toxic is ridiculous. A person can be angry without being abusive or violent.

(In truth, it seems that the couple lived together for a month after break-up - who does this for a non-amicable break-up - and so, yeah, the time to cut his losses is, well, several weeks ago)

Moogle responds, this time with a couple of insults, but also 'Me, me, me, and how he suddenly feels unsafe'

You're taking everything OP says as true even though he's contradicted himself many times. She did give him a reason. That being she doesn't love him anymore. That's good enough, a great reason to break up actually, and dragging it out making the other person jump through hoops to prove the feeling is legitimate serves no purpose other than feeling power over them.
You don't apply anywhere near the same level of scrunity to him as you do this woman, despite him stating he's contacted her a dozen times after being blocked ITT, so yeah I'm calling bullshit on 'unneccesary gendering' here. She's a sociopath and he's a victim and can't help himself from stalking, whatever. He should be encouraged apparently. The previous thread went similarly. OP was going through her personal belongings and exhibiting controlling behaviour, but she was deemed a gaslighter (people stop using this word when you don't know what it means.) Of course you continue to be condescending and not truly reflect and consider why this kind of commentary makes me and other women feel unsafe. It sends the message that no reason we ever give will be good enough, as long as the man claims enough hurt feelings he's justified in repeatedly violating personal boundaries and she's branded an evil bitch and a crazy liar, tale as old as time. You should've just sat there and ate your food.

LaoJin composes another well written reply, but Moogle responds with a few insults:

People fall out of love, it's natural. Sometimes it's a slow realisation and there is no definable reason. Growing up and growing apart is a natural element of long term relationships. I've been broken up with in a similar fashion. Demanding a word count explanation based on the number of years together isn't very reasonable to me. Simple difference of opinion there, not that curious.
The proxy approach advice was bad in the sole context of this thread. I'm not the only one who said so. Can't imagine why you choose to double down on it. When someone doesn't want to be in contact, leave them alone. Go write in a diary or something.
Gaslighting was a general remark towards the user base, who weaponise psychology terms like they're getting paid for it. I know you never used that word and never said that you did. (Sociopath did come up though lol, so...)
You haven't considered it because you evidently don't understand what was meant when I said your comment urging OP to feel anger and escalate his repeated attempts to contact a woman who has blocked him made ME feel uneasy. It did not mean that I have knowledge of how she feels. You seem to acknowledge that you hold men's temporary emotional states in higher regard than women's general feeling of safety, though, so you're close to getting it.
Again, context was general era commentary. If you're a lurker then it's not all about you. As for socially unacceptable, maybe. But then again, so is repeatedly making unwanted contact. At worst, no explanation is inconsiderate. The other is harassment. The inconsiderate is deemed a "sociopath" while the harasser gets the defence force treatment. It's one way empathy. I can sympathise with OP feeling down, that part alone is normal, but you took it way too far. They continued to share accommodation for a month after that so I highly doubt it never came up again anyway. By now you know that she didn't "walk out the door" never to be seen again. It's bad advice before that context and worse afterwards.
Next time you're looking up posting etiquette on Reddit, you might want to look into this whole acting like a teacher talking to a child skit. It's weird and not really working for you, I'm afraid.
My food is delicious and I don't harass my exes. ☺️

A couple of comments to make.

I've deliberately misgendered Moogles a couple of times. It's all too easy for me to say 'I'm not a transphobe, buuuut'... yet I'll still do that here. Declaring yourself to be trans doesn't suddenly give you the right to speak on behalf of all the women on the planet and how 'posts like this make you feel unsafe'.

And I do feel very sorry for the OP. I think he's in danger of going too far. The words 'restraining order' got thrown around a couple of times, and he needs to pull back.

Yet his entire set of posts show how far communication has fallen in modern 2020's society. It's pretty horrendous to be with a partner for however-many-years, plan for a future with them and then, out of nowhere, they decide to leave with zero explanation. That's bad enough. But to be given no reason whatsoever and effectively vanish is cruel. The female areas of Reddit, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, etc... encouragement of blocking and ghosting causes enormous psychological damage to men and women alike. 

That's why pricks like Moogles piss me off. He keeps repeating shit like 'you're not owed an explanation, being told she's not in love with you anymore is a good enough reason, this is why women fear men'...

But what about the psychological trauma suffered by people like the OP, of both sexes? Because it is traumatic. Lying awake at night, asking questions that will never have answers will leave permanent scars. It will damage his entire attitude towards relationships going forward for the rest of his life.

Ironically enough, OP being treated the way he did by his ex is more likely to make him dismissive towards women at best, and outright misogynistic at worst, in the future because he has been so badly betrayed.

Former couples should give each other closure as far as they are able to.

nah

if you are no longer togetheg then no one owes you shit. whole letter thing and stalking future boyfriends? massive loser behaviour

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/dragon-age-the-veilguard-review-thread.1020987/page-51#post-131163327

User Banned (3 Months) - Trolling & Conspiracy Theories with history of similar

They really can't. If nothing else this review cycle has shown that there are a lot of people whose masks aren't as tightly secured as they'd perhaps hoped.

What this review cycle has shown most of all is that some review sites like Eurogamer should be sued for disguised advertising, and EA/Bioware for fraud.

Even setting the woke vs chuds controversy aside, the game had many issues, from the writing being too safe and littered with modern slang like "They go hard" or "Eat shit! This isn't your land!", to braindead puzzles, to stupid mistakes like party members infiltrating hooded cultists without hiding their faces. The itemisation is shit, from what I've seen, the hard fights limited to fighting time-consuming sandbags. The downgrade in player's choices and freedom compared to DAO.

There is no way this game deserves a 100/100 rating, even taking the reviewer's subjectivity into account. I wish people would focus on the underlying corruption in the industry rather that the other controversy.

[Cauliflower Of Love]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/a24%E2%80%99s-timoth%C3%A9e-chalamet-ping-pong-movie-%E2%80%98marty-supreme%E2%80%99-will-be-its-joint-biggest-to-date.1028145/#post-131191575

So what with Kyuuji's obsession with Timotheé Chalamet?

like you have to ask...

[Eric Cartman]

btw, how do you all quote posts? Do you have to do it manually, insert the poster and everything? I've been grabbing screens, don't have enough autism to do all that labor for memes.

[Eric Cartman]

"You make me and other women feel unsafe!"

I always wonder if there's a bit of larping in there because let's be honest, someone trans getting into a relationship with a normal cis dude is unlikely

They don’t need to. The default position is that all ((white) cis) men are dangerous to all women (including those with penises) at all times.

someone the other day on era was talking about 'the chuds' twisting things when people talk about toxic masculinity to mean they are saying that just being (cis) male is inherently toxic, but you don't have to spend very long on era at all to see that that is literally how they use the term

[Hap Shaughnessy]

Where are all the Nepenthe election posts? I mean she is after all the godhead of morality and politics, surely she has some sort of opinion on how things are, how they're likely to go, what it all means, that kind of thing  

https://www.resetera.com/threads/kamala-harris-opens-michigan-rally-by-addressing-gaza-and-palestinians-%E2%80%9Cwhen-i-am-president-i-will-do-everything-in-my-power-to-end-the-war-in-gaza%E2%80%9D.1026633/page-12#post-131180574

[Eric Cartman]

Where are all the Nepenthe election posts? I mean she is after all the godhead of morality and politics, surely she has some sort of opinion on how things are, how they're likely to go, what it all means, that kind of thing  

the (((collective nation))) of poliera made posting actual politics to informed members of the electorate 2 spicy, so she self banned herself from deigning to provide her galaxy brain takes so that when the accumulated filth of all their posts and memes foam up about their waists and all the moderates and centrists look up and shout 'SAVE US!' she can look down and whisper "No."

[Jonsey]

Where are all the Nepenthe election posts? I mean she is after all the godhead of morality and politics, surely she has some sort of opinion on how things are, how they're likely to go, what it all means, that kind of thing  

https://www.resetera.com/threads/kamala-harris-opens-michigan-rally-by-addressing-gaza-and-palestinians-%E2%80%9Cwhen-i-am-president-i-will-do-everything-in-my-power-to-end-the-war-in-gaza%E2%80%9D.1026633/page-12#post-131180574

It’s a retard fight

[Eric Cartman]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/report-finds-%E2%80%98shocking-and-dispiriting%E2%80%99-fall-in-children-reading-for-pleasure.1027947/#post-131177919

There is literally a single author responsible for first halting and then reversing the trend of secondary school and higher kids reading for pleasure, and they did so so successfully they spurred rapid growth of a whole new market genre

Spoiler:  (click to show)(click to hide)

[Gamegirl Nostalgia]

Sir, Nep has hit the thread.

[Hap Shaughnessy]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/kamala-harris-opens-michigan-rally-by-addressing-gaza-and-palestinians-%E2%80%9Cwhen-i-am-president-i-will-do-everything-in-my-power-to-end-the-war-in-gaza%E2%80%9D.1026633/page-13#post-131194422

If my non-vote for President directly leads to a Trump administration, that means that I as a Black trans person will be significantly more in danger of dying as a direct result of it. It's the calculus I made to simply not actively support a genocide, because that is my red line.

[Gamegirl Nostalgia]

PUT 👏 RACE 👏 AND 👏 ETHNICITY 👏 NEXT 👏 TO 👏 MEMBERS 👏 POSTS 👏

[Nintex]

Hell yeah

[Eric Cartman]

Sir, Nep has hit the thread.

Now, watch this drive.

[Gamegirl Nostalgia]

I hope B-dubs doesn't have a breakdown tonight. 

[wizardora]

She's trans now?

[Hap Shaughnessy]

Nonbinary.

[Taco Bell Tower]

https://www.resetera.com/threads/rumor-new-resident-evil-9-details-surface.1027635/page-8#post-131194584

Where the hell is Jake Muller…..

RE6 protagonist Jake "It's always something with women" Muller?

Hopefully dying on the way back to his home planet.

 

Leon basically said the same thing in RE4 and he is in everrrryyyyything. I'd be down for some more Jake kung fu.

[DocWager]

She's trans now?

It’s how they spell “Fucking Batshit Insane” now.

[Gamegirl Nostalgia]

She's trans now?

Pull a barve, right now!  

[Potato]

"You make me and other women feel unsafe!"

I always wonder if there's a bit of larping in there because let's be honest, someone trans getting into a relationship with a normal cis dude is unlikely

Why do they hate JK Rowling when she says exactly the same thing?

[Gamegirl Nostalgia]

I want Kamala to win but I know this stuff is going to get deprioritized right away after tomorrow.

Weren't you cheerleading people to not vote?

[Cauliflower Of Love]

That dumbass isn't voting?

Holy shit. 

[Nintex]

Add a 5 point polling miss to Donald Trump and what does that get you?
RONALD TRUMP  

Add a 5 point polling miss to Kamala Harris and what does that get you?
Kamalabama

 

Spoiler: GOTV (click to show)(click to hide)